New Kid
by GargantuanCarpet
Summary: A new kid moves into South Park, and he's awkward and afraid of just about anything. And when Craig Tucker tries to befriend this kid, he unearths some stuff he might've wanted to keep underground.
1. New Kid

New Kid

 _Craig is an insecure boi in this fic, if you don't like that, don't read it. Also, this is from Craig's POV, if you don't like that, see above._

* * *

"You're not _gay_ , are you?"

I looked up from my phone and scanned the small basketball court. Over a tiny hill and in the trees stood three people. Kenny, Cartman and a new kid. It was obvious that Kenny had initiated the conversation, I knew that from the get-go – I could tell from his stupid accent.

"N-no! Wait! Am I?" The small figure the loud noises were coming from stepped around the tree. I could only get a glimpse of him, though, before he went into the sea of orange and red of Kenny and Cartman. I could still hear nervous whimpers from him though, and I figured he was a nervous type. Not a lot of _them_ in South Park.

"Well, dude, whatever way you swing – we're fine with it, okay. Right Cartman?" Kenny lifted his hand to Cartman as he said this, but the fatass just slapped it away.

"Yeah, sure." He said, unconvincingly. Kenny just sent him a jab in the ribs, which he – obviously – overreacted to.

"W-wait, you guys are a couple?" The kids asked. I cringed at the question. Kenny didn't cringe though, he just wheezed heavily and began laughing hysterically. Cartman had a thick wave of anger engulf him, but before he could lash out Kenny explained to the kid Cartman _had_ a girlfriend, _had_ being the emphasis in the sentence.

"Alright, kid, you made me laugh – so you deserve my name. My name's Kenny, by the way." Kenny reached out his hand for a handshake and gave one of his annoying grins.

"Anyone can make you laugh, Kenny." Cartman spat, shaking his head in disapproval.

"You're just jealous, Cartman." Kenny joked, swinging his hand aimlessly at the fatass. Cartman just growled at him.

"Anyway kid, my name's Kenny. This is Cartman and we're also friends with Stan and Kyle." Kenny smiled at the boy. Cartman, however, did not – and he just scowled at Kenny.

I curled my fingers as Kenny said that. No. No way was I going to let Kenny drag that kid into their group.

I trudged over to them, my feet crunching into the snow hard. As I reached the group I finally had time to see the new kid. He had hair which was scraggly and sticking out the sides like it could stab somebody, yet it seemed fluffy and blond. His face was small and rounded, making it obvious his body hadn't matured properly and on his torso, he wore a scruffy, crinkled green shirt. His buttons were done up erratically and little bits of skin were visible through the cracks.

I gave him a small smile to try and not freak him out. "Hey, kid, if you actually want to be respected by more than four people, don't join their group."

"W-what!?" He spluttered, his head and eyes twitching profusely.

"Kenny is alright, Cartman is evil, Stan is a dick and Kyle's way too cheery and upbeat for me." As I said this Kenny gave an obviously fake grin and made an 'Awh' noise.

"Oh, geez man," Kenny began in an annoying accent like that Kyle Schwartz kid who came to our school every once in a while. "Craig Tucker doesn't hate me."

"Well, Kenny, despite your constant teasing of everyone you actually have some redeemable qualities. _Some."_ I put in, making Kenny pretend to blush by ridiculously arching his hands in a V shape under his pointy chin.

"Thanks, Craig." Kenny beamed, his fake grin growing bigger by the second.

"Whatever, Kenny." I rasped, turning away from the whole conversation.

"W-wait, C-c-craig? Is that your name? Could you show me around?" The kid asked, his head flicking side to side. For a second I pondered what he said. Could I turn down a request from a kid who obviously had something wrong with him? No. And yet I was a tiny bit impressed by his forwardness.

"Sorry?" I said, turning in shock.

"Could you, uh, show me a-around? You're like, really tall, and the last time I went to a new school they p-picked o-on me." He said again, his twitching getting worse every time he said a word. Again, I stood and hesitated for a second, before turning to him and nodding.

"Yeah? Alright, I guess." I huffed out. The kid looked more like a tiny bit relieved than happy.

"Oh my, a nice Craig." Cartman said, smiling sadistically. I caught his tinted gaze and stared at him for a while.

"Everyone can be nice, Cartman." I said, turning from him and walking away. I could hear the new boy's hesitant breaths before he eventually began trudging towards me quickly.

Clyde tilted his head as me and the new kid came up to him, Token didn't say anything, in fact, he didn't even look up from his phone.

"Hey, Craig, who's the new kid?" Clyde said, lazily lifting his finger in the direction of the boy who stood nervously stood next to me. Again, I looked down at the kid and studied him. After looking at him again I turned my head back up to Clyde and shrugged.

"Smooth one, Craig." Token added, still not looking up from his phone. I flipped my middle finger at him and I saw his eyes roll.

"M-my name's Tweek." He said, gyrating hard as he said his name. In surprise both me and Clyde raised an eyebrow at the kid, and even Token looked up.

"Sorry, say again?" Clyde puzzled, leaning in closer to 'Tweek'. It was certainly a unique name.

"W-well, my first name is… Tweek, like – two E's." He twitched hard as he said his name, again. "And my second is Tweak, with EA."

"Wha… who is… why?" Token spoke, finally, in disbelief. He seemed to agree with me on the view of: 'Did his parent's actually name him that? Do they want him to get bullied?

"My parents own that new c-coffee shop in town and they're obsessed with it, can you believe they named me after it!" He spat, his voice vacillating in the wind. I had heard of those Tweak people before, mainly split conversation between my mom and dad when they weren't arguing, and from what I heard Tweek lived here when he was two or three.

"Ooooh. Okay." Clyde said, his face full of realization. Token also raised his eyebrows and soon retreated his eyes back to his iPhone. Token was engrossed in that phone all the time, apparently, he has a blog on some stupid fucking website. He's told me it's 'confidential', but he probably doesn't want Clyde commenting on his posts.

Tweek's twitching soon began to gyrate his whole body and his head began to really fling about. His mouth began to spasm and his fists began to clench and unclench rapidly. I caught his gaze and it was like he wanted to stop, but couldn't. Clyde soon caught on to this and studied Tweek like I had done before, and – for no reason – sat up, walked over to Tweek and hugged him.

Tweek's twitching soon calmed down, but his eyes still darted towards me and Token – looking for any show of emotion. Both me, and Token, did not show any weird expressions. This was just what Clyde was like.

"GAH!" Tweek cried out, not loud – but enough to grab Clyde's attention, and _that_ was hard.

"What!? What!?" Clyde shouted, launching back from Tweek, tripping over the snow, somehow.

"I-I, I don't know you!" Tweek screamed, his twitching started again, but less violently.

"Well, uh, maybe we could all get to know you." Clyde began, a grin appearing on his face, only growing when I glared over at him.

"My name's Clyde and I have a girlfriend called Bebe." Clyde said proudly, putting his hips on his hands like he was some sort of stupid superhero. We'd played superheroes before as kids, and he based his costume off a _mosquito_. A _mosquito_.

Token sighed heavily and idly moved his eyes towards Tweek, finally getting a good look at him. "My name's Token."

"Aaaaand?" Clyde joked in a patronizing tone.

"And what?" Token said, furrowing his brow in Clyde's stupid persistence.

"About Nichole." Clyde said, leaning over to Token, his face wide with a smirk.

"Alright, geez. My name's Token and I have a girlfriend called Nichole. There, you happy?" Token rasped, his face had a stern look to it.

Then all eyes turned on me. I rolled my eyes, hard, and then looked towards the twitching boy. Clyde had a patronizing smile across his whole, punch-able, face.

"Yeah, my name's Craig." I grunted. Clyde mouthed a 'go on' but I just mouthed a 'fuck yourself' back.

"O-oh, is it my go? U-uh, well, uh. M-my name's Tweek and I… I'm, _gaaaaay_?" He drew out the last syllable in the sentence long, too long. In chorus me, Token, and Clyde all looked at him in shock. Welp, a first openly gay boy. A first. Then again Kyle and Stan did have all that awkward sexual tension every time they speak, but that was just normal now.

"Dude, what was that?" Token said, eyeing the boy curiously.

"W-what?" Tweek said, twitching again.

"That 'gay' thing." Token replied, once again raising his eyebrows.

"W-well, I thought we were all s-saying how we were in relationships, and I'm gay." Tweek said, his blond hair unmoving in a sudden gust of wind.

"Um, how do you _know_ you're gay?" I asked, looking askance at Tweek.

"W-well I've never had a girlfriend." He exploded, acting like that meant we would all immediately turn away from him. We didn't, in fact his confession just made us more intrigued in him.

"So? Some people aren't that lucky." Clyde said, biting his fingernails cockily, like he was some sort of girl expert. I can tell you now that Clyde is no expert in anything.

"N-no, I've kissed a girl. I just, didn't feel anything." He admitted, still jerking in anxiousness.

"How does that work?" Token asked, finally standing up from his stiff sitting position under a small bush.

"W-work?" He asked, trying to seem casual about the question, but coming off like a terrified Guinea-pig. That was what he looked like to me, but on the other hand I'd never owned anything else.

"Like, what… did you feel?" Token rephrased, spinning his hand in front of his mouth to simulate a voice coming out.

"I-I, u-um." He stood silent for a bit after stuttering over his words again. Clyde was just about to say something when Tweek started again, I was glad about his timing. I'm surprised Clyde hasn't offended Tweek yet, to be honest.

"I-it was just, c-cold." He stammered. Clyde looked over at him and his mouth over annunciated the 'what?' that followed.

"Maybe it was just cold that day?" Clyde said, really not grasping the fact that Tweek may not like girls' company.

"S-sat inside in the middle of summer?" Tweek grunted, his voice carrying a hint of viciousness with it. He looked angry, yet not threatening at all.

"It's cold here." Clyde widened his hands still in confusion. I knew he was stupid, but this was surprisingly stupid for him.

Token, now stood up, slapped Clyde on the back of the head and looked to Tweek. "Don't listen to him." He said, gesturing to Clyde. Tweek nodded.

Seems like he's getting the gist of the group.

…

I sat in my room that afternoon playing with Stripe, his small little noises making me smile in glee every time I heard them. As I was trying to stroke him through the cage I heard a buzz emit from my phone. Cautiously, I looked at it to find a new text from Token.

 _Got that new IT movie._

I sighed. Another movie night at Token's meant another night with Clyde's bullshit. His bullshit was that he would freak the fuck out every time something really scary happened, but he doesn't freak out like normal. No, not the Donovan. He fucking starts saying shit in his thick, infused scared state that he wouldn't admit to anyone else. Last time he shouted, 'I think Token likes Bebe!' and that started an inter group civil war for a week. Token won, no doubt about it – but that's the thing with Clyde. It's like you can't beat him, whenever he does lose he plays it off like he 'learned something'. Clyde hadn't learnt anything in years.

 _Clyde going?_

I asked, anticipating the answer with a yes.

 _Yes._

That was right on cue. I slipped my phone in my pocket and jumped up to say goodbye to Stripe, but my phone buzzed once again. I glanced at my pocket like an idiot, like I had never seen it vibrate after that same ritual of a conversation.

I pulled it out and my jaw dropped at the text.

 _Tweek's coming too._

Frantically I tapped my fingers up and down the screen, making an abundance of spelling mistakes and having to pain-stakingly back up and fix them. I gave up halfway through and just sent it anyway.

 _Dyde havs you seen Tweek at all. He's gonna flip his shit._

Token must have seen my garbled text and tried to interpret it, but his missed the mark and thought I was criticizing the boy.

 _You don't like him, Craig?_

I rolled my eyes. I made two spelling mistakes how could he not read it?

 _It's not that, he just seems paranoid_

Token came up as a messaging symbol for a minute or two before a 'First time for everything' came through and I moved my head back in surprise. Had Tweek never seen a horror? Surely he had.

 _Where we meeting?_

I sent. Token just sent back a one-word reply.

 _Park._

I was the last to arrive, having to leave Stripe to Tricia. As I approached I saw Clyde and Token sat on the usual bench and Tweek stood next to them awkwardly. He was shaking hard and jumped when I came over.

"Is your mom picking us up, Token?" I asked approaching the other three. Token just nodded at me and turned back to Clyde.

"So, Tweek, you don't like girls?" Clyde asked, once again. I grunted loudly with Token and Tweek curled his lip.

"Y-yes." He snarled. Even Tweek was getting sick of Clyde's constant fascination with his sexuality. Yet Clyde was Clyde, so he never picked up on anything.

"Clyde do you ever leave people alone?" Token wondered, he just looked to Token and gave his head a shake. I sighed as Clyde sat up from his slouched position and continued to interrogate Tweek.

"So, like you don't…" He began, probably saying that Tweek doesn't like girls for the umpteenth time just today. But instead he was cut off by a surprisingly aggressive Tweek.

"Clyde, I swear to g-god if you ask that question one more time I-I will shove my foot up your ass." Tweek spat. I smirked towards Tweek and Token did so as well. It was quite funny, this timid character just suddenly becoming over aggressive. Well, not _over_ aggressive, it was Clyde after all. And just about anybody could get seriously angry at Clyde.

With that Token's mom turned up in her car and we made our way over, Clyde making sure he didn't go too close to Tweek. When we finally got in the car Clyde began getting all giddy over that new movie, before Token's mom had even started the car.

"Oh, it's going to be _so_ cool!" He chirped, his face bright like a light. He was getting too happy, and I knew why. Clyde expected Tweek to freak out worse than he would.

"Clyde, we all know you're going to be scared shitless." I said, getting a stare from Token. I didn't know what I'd done so I just shrugged.

"Hey! No, I'm not!" Clyde protested. I gave him my middle finger and he sent a punch towards me. It was accurate but completely failed in the power department, deflecting off into thin air.

We soon began a punching fight, I always won those, so I wasn't that phased by Clyde's stupid 'concentration' faces. What I was phased by was this one punch when Clyde decided it would be a good idea to dodge my fist.

It landed smack bang into Tweek.

"Oh fuck! Clyde, you asshole! Tweek you alright?" I spluttered, and by the silence that followed I actually thought I knocked him out cold. That was not the case.

From behind Clyde a pale fist shot around him and socked me in the arm, and throughout my body a shuddering feeling of fire shot through it and I let out a short shout of pain.

Straight away I felt the eyes of Token set on me in surprise. I don't think he'd heard me cry out in pain in ages. I don't think _I'd_ heard me cry out in pain in ages.

"Dude!" Clyde said in excitement. "You can hurt Craig!"

Tweek turned to face out the window with his arms folded, his mouth turned down in disappointment. "Cool."

I clutched the spot where he had smacked me and pulled my jacket up. It was bruised, and I hid it away from Token and Clyde to stop them from teasing me about it twenty-four seven. "Tweek?" I asked.

He slightly angled his head so he could see me in the corner of his eye. "What?" He spoke in that deadpan tone again.

"I didn't know you could punch." I blurted. Tweek finally turned his whole body to face me.

"You have to when y-you get picked o-on." He said, and, without a second glance, he turned back to the window.

We finally reached Token's house and I could sense Tweek calming down, but I didn't want to freak him out completely – so I stayed away from him. The four of us were soon sat in the home cinema, popcorn a plenty. Token plopped in the disc and the movie began, lights flashing. I sat on the far side of the seats, Clyde and Token at the other end, and Tweek sat next to me in the middle. He definitely was scared of the movie because as soon as the title popped up he jumped back and started to make these weird little whimpering sounds.

I looked over to him, his face occasionally being illuminated by the movie. He looked scared but engrossed by the film, I mean it was hard not to be engrossed in Token's home cinema, and I think I was the only one not looking at the screen. Good. You may not be able to tell, but I can read faces pretty well. Slowly I moved down the line. Token, at the edge of the row, sat like he normally does, eyes wide and his hands clutching his elbows. Clyde sat in this awkward, stiff position, kind of bent around onto his armrest. Then it came to Tweek. Of course I'd never seen Tweek before two days ago so I spent longer studying him. He sat with his legs clutched against his chest, something I couldn't ever accomplish with my lanky legs, and his puffy cheeks spilled over his knees. He shook, like he would, and his head was slightly pushed to the right.

I switched my attention back to the screen. I wasn't sure where the film was, but I tried to figure stuff out anyway. A few minutes passed, and I got bored of the film and turned back to Tweek. As I did I caught him looking at me. I kind of stared at him for a moment, my eyebrows slowly furrowing. He began twitching harder, so I turned my head to try and not freak him out. But, why was he staring at me?

I tried not to think about it. The film got to this part of the film where a boy was running down a road in the rain, and I recognized it instantly as the scene from the trailer. The boy came up to the small crack to the sewers, after losing his paper boat, and looked down after it. I saw the jump-scare a mile away, but Tweek didn't. As soon as Pennywise stuck his head through the drain he flinched so hard he launched his head sideways and onto me.

It landed with a soft pad in my lap. For a moment I just sat there, staring at this… weird change of events. I lifted my hands to not touch him and looked over to Token for help. The two, Token and Clyde, just sat in awe as the blond sat with his head in my lap. I don't think he realized, either, because it didn't seem like he would eventually lift his head up. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped pretty far down, Clyde's did. Token just started mouthing 'what the fuck?'.

"Tweek?" I said, the most confused expression I could manage plastered across my face. Immediately his head shot up, he must have got whiplash from something that quick.

"O-oh, w-w-w-w-whaaaaaaa!" He screamed, his voice breaking as it reached the tip of the scream. The cry caught all two of the bystanders, me as well, by surprise. Seriously, what was this kid's problem?

"What the fuck?" I said, watching the blond twitch _hard_ in his chair. He eyes began to close and open, his fists unclenching and clenching like back at school yesterday.

"C-c-c-craig! I'm s-so s-sorry!" He burst, his lower jaw swinging like it was unscrewed from his face.

"Dude, what the fuck was that?" I asked again, hoping to get an answer.

"Craig, you're just going to freak him out more!" Clyde shouted, trying to fix the situation. I didn't want to fix it though, I wanted to know why this kid flung his head into _my_ lap.

Just before I could ask him again he jumped from his chair and ran from the whole thing. I watched him smash through the door leading out of Token's cinema, hoping he wouldn't freak out too bad. I could hear stomping feet and scrambles from the inside, probably Tweek clambering up the stairs. It went silent for a moment, the smell of popcorn thick and sickly, not matching the sudden mood change at all.

"Jesus, what the fuck was all that?" Token asked, standing up from his candy covered chair.

I hesitated and stuttered for a bit because from myself, even I didn't know what was going on. "I-I don't know." Another moment of silence followed, the scrambles upstairs slowly getting fainter and fainter. Soon they stopped.

Token turned on his heels and headed towards the door, Clyde did as well. I was confused, immensely, so I blurted. "Guys, where are you going?"

"We're going to help Tweek." Clyde said, flashing a peace sign my way. I grit my teeth in anxiousness, I hope I hadn't freaked him out that much. I'd only know him for a few days, but he was so... faint. If that's how you could say it. He kind of just melts into the background and you don't notice him too much, until something like this happened.

As soon as the other two left I sighed heavily and pulled out my phone. If I was going to get anywhere I had to just forget about my problems and dive back into the virtual world. I just couldn't remove it from my head. What was that? I mean, I knew exactly what it was. Tweek just got freaked out and twitched too hard. But them why me? Why did his head go to me? I dropped my phone into my lap, reminding me of the situation once again, and pushed my face into my hands.

About three or four minutes later Clyde and Token returned. I presumed with Tweek because they're was a constant shuffling sound in the air. Too embarrassed to look up I shifted in my chair, the situation awkward enough for me to try and convince myself I was the one uncomfortable, not everyone else in the room.

"Craig?" Token asked, trying to use that calming voice he does on Clyde and Nichole. It wouldn't work. It shouldn't and never will work on me.

"What?" I said, my head still buried deep in my hands.

"Could you say something to Tweek?" Token cautioned, his voice carrying hints of doubt along to my ear. I heard Tweek shuffle at the mention of his name. He was like that, one mention of him and he began searching for the worst possible scenario.

"Like what?" I said, finally lifting my face from my hands and looking over to where Token was stood.

"Like you, uh…" Token began; soon trailing off into inaudible mumbling.

"D-do you h-h-hate me n-now?" Tweek asked, breaking the silence, his words twisting and flinching as they came to me.

"Not more than I hated you before." That seemed to calm him down a tad, his shuffling still bad and his occasional tics still floating around. The four of us took the rest of the day held back, I didn't want anything like that to happen again. Never again.

I was sat on Token's bed watching the TV screen, but my eyes soon wandered. I found them latched onto Tweek, who was sat on the floor because he thought he wasn't allowed to sit on the bed, It'd taken Clyde ten minutes to get Tweek in here, never mind on the bed. My thoughts raced, and I began to second guess what I said earlier. Not more than before? What was that supposed to mean? I slapped myself in my own stupidity, how was I meant to be this cool no-fucks give kid if I was going way too soft? I mean I took a new kid under my wing on his first day, that seemed pretty nice.

…

I watched Stripe jump on around crazily on my bed, his chirping making grin like an idiot once again. He was magical, like a creature out of my dreams. He would just jump around like he normally would, and I would forget about my problems. Not that I had any problems normally, and I still didn't (I also didn't count Tweek accidentally launching his head into my crotch a problem) But it all felt weird though. Everybody just acted so normally about it. Maybe they thought he had problems, like me.

I jumped at a sudden crash.

"Craig!?" My dad shouted up the stairs, his gravelly voice ricocheting off every single wall in the house, seemingly shaking the whole structure.

"What!?" I shouted back, my shout pale in comparison to his rupture.

"Don't what me! Come here, now!" He shouted. I grunted and jumped off my bed, scooping up Stripe and putting him back in his cage. He gave another little chirp and I grinned again, before remembering that my dad was calling me.

I bolted down the stairs, each step sounding like an elephant was stampeding down. I saw my dad stood awkwardly at the table and when I walked up to him his eyebrows were cocked upwards. This never meant anything good. This was the look when he gave me _the talk_ , now this was... worse, somehow.

"You tell me why I see _this_ in your room?" He barked, holding up a magazine. I couldn't tell you any specifics, but it was… _dirty._ Not like a normal magazine, a proper disgusting one. I grimaced at the thought of what it had inside. How could people find that stuff attractive?

"What is that?" I asked. You might think I was trying to dodge the question, but I definitely did not own any of _that_ , I had the internet, and even though I had complete freedom, I would never look up anything like... that.

"Don't dodge the question, Craig!" He spat, little balls of drool spraying across my face. This wasn't mine, I knew it. I started rushing through my mind for suspects. I don't think Token has ever talked to me and Clyde about this kind of stuff, so he was out of the question. No-one else from school was allowed in my room, so Clyde and Kenny were the prime suspects. It could've been Clyde, but he wasn't into this kind of stuff. He didn't look at that. So, in conclusion, Kenny had left some... fetish magazine at my house.

"Wait a minute, that's Kenny's." I said, realizing what the little bastard had done. Kenny was careless, but this had to be part of his sick, screwed up plan. He wouldn't leave a porn magazine like that over, it said on the cover $6, so it had to be worth something.

"Kenny's?" My dad said, his voice still loud and brash.

"Yeah, I'll text him the picture right now." I said, slipping my phone out and snapping a picture of the cover. Almost immediately I got a text from Kenny saying.

 _Crap, did I leave that over?_

I showed it to my dad and his heavy breathing stopped. He tilted his head slightly and scratched his head in confusion.

"Oh." He said, turning away from me, magazine still in hand.

I heard a faint 'Don't just oh him, Thomas' from upstairs and I saw my dad flip the ceiling off. Yep, this could only be my family. I loved them and all, but the way we, the Tuckers, handled problems wasn't... orthodox. It was mainly a volley of middle fingers and soft cusses.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I looked down at it.

 _I'm coming over to get that._

Oh _shit._ Hastily I replied with a 'Don't' but Kenny was most likely already on his way over. I grunted again and went over to the couch and slumped over. A few seconds later Kenny burst through the door, panting heavily. I turned my head quickly to identify the dirty blond's presence.

"Where is it?" Kenny asked, panting in-between every word. I rolled my eyes and looked at him like he was a ghost. He just said 'What?'.

"My dad has it." I admitted, and half expected Kenny to bolt up the stairs straight away. But he didn't. He kept on staring at me.

"Come on, help me get it." He spluttered, still panting from the run over. I just knitted my brow and sent him the dirtiest look I could muster.

"No!" I exclaimed, this was dumb. Really dumb.

Kenny convinced me, eventually. Well, blackmailed, I didn't give a shit though, it's his problem. Somehow he had come up with this twisted idea that he was going to tell everyone I had a porn magazine, that didn't move me. What did was when he said that he was going tell everyone that I _shared_ it with my dad. My dad was cool, some of the times, but I would not voluntarily _jerk off_ in front of him for anything. That was gay _and_ awkward.

I soon made it to my parent's room and knocked on it. Kenny made it behind me and didn't knock. Well, he did, but he just smashed his elbow into the door instead. My dad jumped out of his skin when he saw a kid burst through his door, and he sent the magazine flying away. Kenny jumped for it, like it was a winning touchdown and caught it. It was a pretty good catch, but he landed _hard_ on the ground, sending a ripple through the floor.

"What the… Craig!? What is this?" My dad stammered, his voice going from a dull tone to a loud bark as soon as he realized it was me bursting in and cutting off his _private_ session.

"Sorry, McCormick retrieval services." Kenny said, brushing his body off and giving another stupid smirk.

"Oh, uh… sorry." My dad said, his voice calming down. It was quiet for a moment, then my dad spoke up again. "W-wait a second, could I get some… uh, pictures?"

I pinched my nose harder than ever. What the fuck was that? I knew my dad was awkward, but this was, just fucking stupid.

"Of course, Mr. Tucker," Kenny started. "might I add you have great taste in women." My dad just curled his lip at Kenny. He seemed to have the same opinion towards the boy as I did. Nice, but he didn't half get on your fucking nerves. My dad seemed more interested in my involvement than Kenny's, though that was the reputation Kenny had... after breaking off from Stan, Kyle and Cartman.

Now, this situation was pretty bad. But it gets worse when my mom walks in on my dad taking pictures of a porn magazine with two kids stood next to him. Safe to say this didn't turn out well for anyone involved. Kenny got sent home with a call to his parents, which would most likely be ignored by the majority of his family - that was if he even had a phone, I got grounded and my dad slept on the couch.

...

"Now, Craig, I know you're a teenager and you have urges but you don't…" My mum started, but I just let her trail off into the distance. I'd had this talk before at much younger ages, so I didn't need her to do it again. For a while I _was_ just sat daydreaming, letting my thoughts pass by. It was relaxing, refreshing, to just sit back and watch your mind just... work. This was cut off by my mom soon, though. "Did you even listen to me, Craig?" My mom screeched. I covered my ears to stop them bleeding profusely. Her voice was low, but boy could she scream.

"Yes, yes, I don't need to act on them. Mom, I've heard this before so you don't have to tell me again." I huffed. My mom didn't calm down, though.

"No, I said you don't need to go out and have sex! You're fifteen, Craig, you're still too young!" She screeched, again.

"Well I'm going to be sixteen soon." I added, my mom just gave me a rotten glare.

"That's still not old enough to be completely illegal." My mom said, staring at me like I was the impersonation of the devil himself. She probably thought that about me anyway. I'd only been a 'troublemaker' for their own benefits. In fact, I hardly did that much wrong. It was just that when I did, I didn't care. The Craig Tucker brand was a front.

Soon she sent me to my room for doing that 'troublemaker' phase I, apparently, had become too engrossed in. Being grounded sucked still. Well, not as much, but it still did suck. I did have Stripe to keep me company, and that did perk up my interests a lot, but I felt like I was missing something. I was missing Token and Clyde, life felt so meaningless without them. It was like there was no light without them. No fun. Well, like _guy_ fun, not to disrespect Stripe.

I tapped my fingers in boredom and sighed hard.

"Mom! Could I go now!?" I shouted down the stairs.

"Not until you say that you admit I'm right!" She shouted back up. I waited for a moment longer, only then remembering my mom was about as, maybe more, stubborn as I was. I gave up with a small sigh, then inhaled to shout back down.

"Okay! Jesus, you're right!" I snapped back. There was no answer for a few minutes and I figured that she was alright with me coming down. After waiting for a moment longer, I jumped down the stairs and was just about to leave the house when my mom grabbed me. Another sigh came, and I turned to face her. Her face was a mixture of anger and anxiousness... god she looked like Tweek.

"Wait." Her distressed face mumbled. "Take this, it'll keep you safe."

I looked at her hand. Really? _Really?_ "Mom, I'm…"

"No, Craig, you take it this instant." She held out the object and I grabbed it, with a huge sigh of embarrassment, and slid it into my pocket. I was so conscious of it being there I could feel it for the trek all the way to the park. It was still there when I stood still to catch my breath from the furiously walk over. To be honest I don't even know why I was angry, I think it was embarrassment than anything.

I came to the park and studied the scenery. Token said he'd be here. I took another gander and saw him walking with Clyde down by the river. I sauntered over, more casually than I had got here, and gave a lazy wave. He returned it, Clyde also waving, his whole body shaking with him as he shook his hand hard. As they approached I saw Tweek following behind them and I gave the face I make at people I don't hate completely, which was the face I gave Kenny, most of the time. Which was my normal face. Which was a tight lipped face. Which was... I don't know where I'm going with this.

"Wassup Craig?" Clyde said, over emphasizing his hands which made both me and Token roll our eyes in unison. He'd been acting more 'hip' as soon as we left elementary, saying it was part of his 're-imagining'. The only thing that had changed was hormones and pimples, which hadn't been too kind to anyone in our grade.

"I got grounded." I explained, trying to sound nonchalant about it. I guessed I slipped up, saying it in a way which was like Clyde normally does, way too overconfident that he sounded normal.

"You seem on edge, Craig, what was it for?" Token asked, he was still his inquisitive self.

"Oh, nothing important." I played it off pretty well, and I thought it was going to change the subject completely. That was until Kenny turned up. I drooped my face in the recognition of Kenny's even-more-confident-than-usual demeanor. He was going to spill the beans all over the floor and stamp on every single one.

"Hey, Craig, I came to say sorry about earlier." Kenny said, grinning so hard I thought his stupid, little handsome face would fling off with it.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, _hard_. "Kenny, don't"

But he was already answering Token's question for him before he had asked it. "Oh yeah, I accidentally left a porn mag at Craig's and his dad found it. It's quite a good one so I went to pick it up and his dad stopped to take some pictures. Guess his mom didn't seem so happy seeing her son, her husband and a dashing boy all staring at a porn mag."

I don't think I'd wanted to punch someone so hard in my life at that moment. Who calls them-self a 'dashing boy'?

"Well, his mom started on him about safe sex and I'm guessing he's trying to play off that he has a condom in his pocket right now." He boasted, gesturing towards me.

Well, that urge to punch him had upped a little more. "Woah, you have a condom?" Clyde said, his ears straightening out at the mention of sex.

I reached into my pocket and grasped the condom in my fingers, throwing my hand out into the air to display the _thing._

"I'm taking that," Clyde said, snatching the thing out of the air. "I'll need that for Bebe."

Kenny just sent an annoying grin over to Clyde, and he sent one back, clicking his fingers and putting them into an overturned L sign. That was how I saw it anyway. He said it was meant to be some 'guns' but and overturned L seemed to fit him perfectly.

"Stop it, Clyde." I snapped coldly, he just snapped his fingers again.

It was silent for a minute and then Kenny piped up. "How's Tweek?"

I'd completely forgotten about Tweek in the past day. He did still hang around with us, but he always seemed to melt into the background. You couldn't really tell if he was there or not on most occasions.

 _Except that time at Token's._

Oh god, here comes the memories. Memories of complete confusion, embarrassment and downright idiotic nature of it all. And then that question came again. Why me?

"He's, uh, fine." I said, turning to face the blond, who was hidden behind Token. From what I could tell, his face was a mixture of scared and confused emotions.

"Did you know that he…" Clyde began, but I stopped him with a hard smack to the arm. He sent out a shrill cry of pain before retreating back behind Token with Tweek. Token wasn't stupid enough to say anything, and Tweek would be too shy to even speak.

"He what?" Kenny asked, leaning closer for effect.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." I said hoping to not embarrass myself anymore in front of Kenny. He'd have a field day talking about my dad, never mind Tweek shooting his head into my lap.

…

School the next day was, eventful. We'd just come out of class and gone to lunch. Clyde was already getting giddy. It was Taco Tuesday, and there was nothing more than tacos that Clyde would love to eat.

"Dude, it's gonna be so cool!" He beamed, shaking his hands in front of his mouth like a school girl.

"It's Taco Tuesday, it happens _every_ Tuesday." I said, glaring at Clyde's happiness for such a normal thing.

"Yeah, but I heard they just got a new food delivery, so that means there will be no end to the contents." He gushed, his face red with excitement.

We made it to the cafeteria and I was the first through, so I held the door open for Clyde, Token and Tweek to get through. As Tweek passed, he stared at me. It was weird, his green eyes just set onto mine and I felt this weird shock in my stomach. It wasn't painful, nor was it sickening, it was just the shock of realizing he was there, still. As I've said before, you can never really tell he's there, so I almost shut the door on his face.

We made it to the line and we were just about to head in when Kenny jumped into the line ahead of us. Clyde was at the front, so he immediately began pushing Kenny out of the line with his trademark Donovan noises, I say trademark, I mean that no human has ever made that noise before. We finally made it through and got our food, Clyde piling on four tacos, much to the disbelief of the school chef. We got our seats and began mindless chatter as always, Token just about disagreeing with every single thing Clyde suggested we do this weekend.

After we had ate the four of us stood and stepped out of the uncomfortable benches we had to sit on, we made our way over to the bins in the corner of the room. Clyde chucked his tray, lazily, hoping to land it on the small table beside the bins. Instead it landed smack bang into the person stood there, Kyle.

"Dude, for fucks sake." He said, wiping his orange coat down from all of Clyde's leftovers. From behind him Stan turned, facing Clyde with a face so angry, yet failing to be threatening, that it made me chuckle into my hand.

"What's funny, Craig?" Stan asked, trudging his way over to me and still making that stupid angry face.

"Nothing." I said, my dumb laugh fading to a close.

"You sure?" Stan spat, leaning in closer to me and gritting his teeth over his bottom lip.

Clyde began laughing as well, his laugh one of those annoying ones where he had to breath every time he let a burst of laughter out. Stan just turned over to Clyde and flipped him the bird. The _bird?_ That was my thing.

"That's my thing." I said, my voice rippling through the air.

"Really?" Stan said, swivelling on his feels to face me, lowering his fingers. "How come?"

"How about this?" I said, pricking my middle finger up at him, sticking out a tongue. I really hated Stan, he was just so far up his own ass to realize other people had feelings. Then again you could say the same thing to me, but I'd probably just flip you off.

He launched himself at me, pinning me to the ground. In surprise I let out a tiny whimper as I fell, my body eventually slamming to the ground. Once there he landed a punch across my face, socking me in the nose. Again, I let out a whimper, this one deeper. As he sat atop me he had this really fucking stupid grin sat across his face. But that was soon wiped off as a body rammed into his side, sending him flailing across the floor.

In shock I looked around at the faces over me. Thank god just about everybody in that cafeteria thought Stan was a dick, or else I would have had another person on top of me in a few seconds. I sat up and looked over to Stan on the ground, trying to make out who was making him produce these really frail screams. And when I finally saw the person sat on top of Stan, I was more confused than I was before.

On top of Stan sat _Tweek_. I could hear each fist thump into Stan's chest and it sounded _hard_. Like _really hard._

I got up and rushed over to the ongoing scuffle and dragged Tweek off of Stan, his fists still swinging like a maniac. His breath was heavy, and his head swung like a pendulum on steroids.

"Jesus, fuck dude." I said, grasping him by the arms and pulling him back. He just growled, and I cocked one of my eyebrows, in both confusion and anxiousness for my own safety, as I looked over to where Clyde stood. He was there, and he returned the expression.

…

The counselor's office had a strong stench of tea, and it made me grimace the first time I smelt it. Over the years of middle school, though, I had got used to it. The counselor, a man named Mr. Pober, sat in his chair and scanned down the clipboard for information. He sighed when he looked up at me.

"Again, Craig?" He grunted, I just curled my lip and stared at him. "Well, you don't have to drag new people into this, Craig."

I looked over to Tweek, his face still red with rage. "Are you sure _I_ did this? Look at him."

Tweek sent me a bitter look, I just shrugged it off and turned back to the counselor. He licked his lips and pulled down his red glasses so that they were resting on the end of his nose. "Yeah, he looks angry, but it always has to involve you, Craig. _Always."_

I straightened out my body and sent him a face. "What?"

"Well, it seems to me that you have a problem with taking things for granted, Craig." Mr. Pober huffed. That man was weird, he'd just look at you and come out with some weird fucking theory.

"Well, if it helps, thanks for beating the shit out of Stan, Tweek." I thanked, turning to Tweek and extending my hand for a handshake. To my surprise he just slapped my hand away and went back to sitting in the corner, his arms folded.

I ambled up to Kyle as soon as I got out of that office, trying not to act like a douche. He was slowly putting his books back in his locker when I approached him.

"Hey, Kyle, I came here to say sorry about what happened at lunch." I began, sticking my hands in my pockets. I knew that Kyle was way too cheery of a person for me, but I had to say sorry or my mom would probably go batshit crazy at me for not doing so.

"What?" He said, closing his locker and turning to me, three fresh books stacked up against his chest.

"Well, about that Tweek kid." I explained.

"If he really is your friend then you'd probably be talking to him, trying to calm him down. I'm pretty sure that kid has a problem, Craig, so don't go abusing him. I can see he can melt down pretty easily, don't fucking take that for granted." He snorted, rushing past me. I threw my arms up into the air as he left. What was _his_ problem? Was he on a period or something?

I barged through my house's front door, making my sister jump as I came through. She saw I was in one of my moods and decided not to try and talk to me. Well, if she did she try to talk to me, I wouldn't even catch her first words as my mom rushed up to me. She didn't hug me, either, she just ran up and skidded to a halt right in front of me.

"Hey Craig, are you alright?" She asked. This was weird, she never asked this.

"Uh, yeah." I said, raising my brow in confusion.

"Do you still have the, uh… rubber?" She challenged, biting her fingernails. The _condom._ Oh fuck, the _condom._

I hesitated before pretending to search my pocket and not find it. "Oh, uh, not on me." I said, trying to insinuate that I'd forgotten it. My mom didn't take it that way.

"Oh, god. You used it, didn't you?" She accused, her long finger stretching out to me.

"No." I protested, knitting my eyebrows together.

"You did, oh god, who with?" She babbled, her eyes kind of tearing up.

"No-one." I protested again. She didn't take any notice.

"Just tell me what happened that day you left with it." She asked, biting her fingernails so hard that I was surprised they didn't fling off into my neck and stab me.

"I just went to the park and met up with the guys, we went over to Token's and watched a movie. I must've left it over at his." I said. This is probably the most fucking stupid thing I have ever said in my entire existence.

"You like _men_?" She spluttered.

 _What._

"Wait, sorry…. **_What the fuck, mom!?_** " I shrieked, my mom just cowering away from me. She didn't say anything, so I just inched closer to her, raising my fingers and clenching my teeth together. **_"What the fuck!?"_**

Then my dad walked in from clearing the yard. Well, this just got worse.

 ** _"_** ** _CRAIG!"_** He belted, obviously the scene was too much for him. I turned to face him, my face still red with anger. He stomped towards me, his eyebrows slowly turning into a fierce droop. His chest raised and his large demeanour towered over me as he made his way over.

 ** _"_** ** _What!?"_** I shouted back at him. He pushed me back and I stumbled from the living room to the bottom of the stairs.

 ** _"_** ** _You don't push your mother around like that!"_** He roared, the house shaking in its foundations.

 ** _"_** ** _I didn't fucking touch her!"_** I yelled back, trying my best to not appear weak.

 ** _"_** ** _Well you can back off, you little brat!"_** He shrieked, and I backed off finally. My breath rattled in my chest as I slowly made my way back up the stairs and came to my room. What a cock, a stuck up, fat, ginger cock.

I slammed through the door and ran over to my bed, kicking the bed frame with all my might. I heard my dad shout something inaudible downstairs, so I slammed my door shut and locked it. I turned back around and went back to my bed, slamming my fists down on it and screaming my lungs out. This was fucked. What did they take me for, a cissy? A gay, weak, cissy?

I slammed my fists into my bed again and began toying with the idea to run away, but that soon went away. Where would I go? What would I do?

I flopped onto my bed and threw my hat against the wall. I wasn't a cissy. No, I was a strong man. I was a man. In my dazed rage I catapulted myself off my bed and over to Stripe's cage. I swung the gate open and stuck my finger inside. I went over to the sleeping Guinea-pig and poked him awaked. He chirped hurtfully, and when I stepped back I realized what I had done.

 _I_ had just hurt Stripe. _Me_. Oh fuck.

I ran over to my wall and slammed my fists into them, making two dents in the wall. I didn't care though, and once again I beat my fists into the wall. The dents grew deeper, but I didn't care, the pain didn't disappear. What kind of monster was I?

Maybe my dad was right, maybe he was wrong.

That was what fucked me up the most. That I _was_ some kind of crazy monster, I _was_ some heartless creature that hurt everything. I grasped my hair and pulled on it, the pain distracting me from the hurt I had caused in the real world.

I dropped to the floor and stared up at the ceiling, my breathing clamoring up my chest. For an age I lay there, staring at my ceiling fan, contemplating the stupidest things.

Well, I was contemplating stupid things until I heard a tiny squeak. I shot my head up and looked at the noise, Stripe. He came running over to me, his fluffy little body shaking at the speed he was moving.

He jumped at me, and began to chirp like he always did. I stroked my finger over him and felt his soft fur. Somehow Stripe always calmed me down all the time, and this was no exception.

Then I shot up from my lying position. A few moments ago I had just prodded him, and he just came back. I shuffled away from him, deciding I didn't deserve him at the moment, but he just came running over. No matter how hard I tried, he didn't stop coming over to me.

Finally I stopped shuffling around and picked him up, inspecting him for any indication of pain. None. I got up from the floor and lay him on my bed, me following in suit.

He plopped down onto the bed and began chirping for attention, so I crawled over to him. "I didn't hurt you that much, did I?" I asked.

He just chirped back, his noises full of ecstasy. I inspected him again for physical implications of his hurting. None.

"Are you okay?" I asked again. His happy chirps told me 'Yes'. I smiled and carried on stroking over his fur.

I studied him for a bit longer. "How are you so cute? Like, you do nothing. How?"

He just chirped again, and I laughed. Stripe was cool, he liked me. He loved me. Yeah, I did have friends, but I didn't have someone who loved me _fully_. Like they _actually_ cared about me, or like they gave a _shit_ about me.

"Do you like me, Stripe?" I asked, and he just peeped happily. I took this as a yes and blushed.

"Stop it, you." I said, covering my face. He just clambered over my lanky arms and tried to kiss my face. Stripe's cool.


	2. Trapped in the Head

_Don't actually message random people about your age and etc. I'm sure you're not that braindead._

* * *

I'm sure lots of other people get caught up in things that are completely unrelated to them, and most people would probably just make it their problem to help the person going through it, but I'm not 'most people'. You'd think someone with the 'fuck everything' attitude, like me, would be popular, and would hang around with the cool kids, (Or Stan and Kyle) and if I did I probably wouldn't be here, right now, sitting in my room – alone. And if I wasn't sat in my room alone I wouldn't be searching the internet for something to do. And if I wasn't searching the internet, I wouldn't have come across this site. I couldn't really describe it, to be honest, and again, you wouldn't care.

I don't know what drew me to the site, it looked like a normal chat room to be honest. I soon found myself tapping away at my smudged keyboard to just about anybody. It was weird, as well. I didn't show any emotions other than: angry, disinterested and the occasional confused one, but on this site, I was open. I knew nobody cared about my problems, but it was nice to finally vent them out.

I must've spent about an hour just typing up things, responding to problems, and generally being engrossed in the website when I finally got a PM from some random person. It caught me off guard as well, who the hell would message me?

Then I remembered it was just an online profile, and not my cagey, in-real-life self.

The message read:

 _Hey_

It seemed harmless, yet threatening. Just… hey. And that word seemed to hold so much power for no reason. I must've sat there for a few minutes contemplating my reply, but I just decided to reply with:

 _Hi_

That message sat there, out in the open, and even though it was just two letters it felt so vulnerable. But it was just a word, why was I getting attached to a message?

 _Dude, ur life seems so screwed_

And this new message seemed even worse. My _life? Me?_ I mean yeah, saying 'My dad shouts at me for no reason' and 'I can be an unintentional dick' out loud sounded bad, but it wasn't how it was.

 _How?_

That was all I could send back.

 _Well u don't seem too control in ur future_

Control? I had control, no-one was controlling me. I would know.

 _How?_

It was short and petty, but this random person messaging me didn't deserve full respect. I didn't even know them.

 _I dunno. U just seem on edge dude_

Again, on edge, what the fuck was that supposed to mean?

 _How do I get off the edge?_

The reply was long awaited, but it came.

 _Just try to control ur emotions a bit more_

Well, I could try.

…

The sky was bitter on the walk to school. Token and Clyde were doing their usual Token and Clyde things, arguing. I wasn't really listening to them, my mind was far off somewhere else, when Token turned to me with a question. Of course, I didn't know what they were talking about, so I just nodded.

"You alright, Craig?" Token asked, his eyes flicking up and down my slender body.

"Yeah." I said, breathing out a huge trail of hot air into the sky.

"Are you sure?" Token queried, lifting his eyebrows. Clyde began laughing and soon Token followed him.

"What?" I spluttered, was it that obvious?

"Oh, nothing. Just that you nodded to the question: Which of the girls do you like?" Clyde burst, laughing harder than he should of.

"Oh." I said, my face lighting up bright red for a second. I could control this though, and I just deadpanned them.

There was a small silence, and you could hear the individual steps of each person clattering against the floor and raising up.

"So, who?" Clyde quizzed, lifting his stare from the ground and fixing it on Craig's face.

"No-one, I guess." I said, never really being into any of the girls myself, they all seemed like such bitches. I kept telling myself that I would find one, and that hasn't happened yet. I had tried, in fourth grade, but it was just so dumb. She just kept bitching and bitching and... yeah. You get it.

"Really?" Clyde said, a smirk glowing off his face. "So not anyone in the class?" I rolled my eyes to look up as far as I could, trying to block out Clyde's stupidity with the sun. I got lost in the sky and my mind began to wonder. "Craig?" Clyde said, bringing me back down to earth.

I didn't want to come back down though, I just wanted to float among the clouds. Think. But when you most need it, peace and quiet just disappears, and you get lost in the routine of life.

"Yeah, see you guys." I said, dropping back behind the two and heading towards the park.

"Craig?" I heard Token say, but I didn't listen. I needed to control my emotions, yet this weird feeling of hopelessness came back to me.

I don't know why this happens, but sometimes I just lose control of my thoughts, and I just end up drifting off into this horrible future for myself. One where I don't know where, what, or why anything was happening. One where I had… nothing. I didn't want nothing, I needed something to make me feel whole. My life was just starting, and I wanted it to be wrapped up into a tiny bow tie already. I don't know why I had to have everything done and over, but I didn't want to try. I just wanted things to stay the same. In my head, change is scary. It's unpredictable, and I hate it. I hate it yet, I feel it almost every single second in my life. We used to live somewhere else, I can't remember where, and when my mom and dad said we were moving, I cried. I cried when I was three because of change.

But look at me now, I'm happy. Or should be.

As I walked through the small park I looked around me, at the trees and the sky. They'd been there for years, what kind of things had they experienced? What had they seen? And then I came back to the world. The real world. And everything just molded back together, back to the same routine. But no. That's not how it was. Something was missing. Something.

I made it to the school and passed through the double doors. I strolled down the hall, finally taking notice of the world around me. I saw people, happy and sad, lining the halls. I saw them all, and I noticed them. It seemed weird, I felt like everyone was staring – but no-one was. No-one really cared that I was there.

And that was sad and happy. I don't know what had happened to me, but I felt different. I felt like I had changed. As I walked these horrors, nightmares, came rushing to my head. But they weren't nightmares, they were questions I asked myself.

 ** _Why do I remember things, are they important?_**

Stop.

 ** _Why does life suck?_**

It'll change.

 ** _But change is scary._**

No, it's not.

 ** _Well, then how did you cope?_**

I… I don't know.

 ** _Why do I question if people like me?_**

Because it's an instinct.

 ** _But, how did we last sixteen years?_**

 _How… did I?_

 ** _How?_**

I stopped in the middle of the hall and looked around. The fluorescent lights bounced off the shiny floor as they always did, but it seemed unbearable. Like it was too bright.

No. I needed to get to class.

I finally found the class and slowly pushed through the door, hoping no-one would notice me. I made my way in and found my chair at the back of the room, next to nobody. I slumped down in my chair and threw my bag under the table, resting my elbows on the table and placing my head in them. I was like that for most of the lesson, dropping in and out of conscience, occasionally taking random notes. It was hell. Sat on what felt like a stage, being someone else. This wasn't me. I didn't care about emotions I…

I needed to control my emotions.

I looked around the room, seeing if anyone was looking at me. Nope. Not a soul. I sighed and turned back to my desk, scanning the table for any worthless information or scribbles. I made out a few doodles, but nothing to catch my attention.

Again, just for conformation, I looked around the room again. Nope. Not a…

A pair of green eyes fixed on me. In shock I opened my eyes to look at the person staring at me. _Kyle_. In embarrassment I fumbled with my pen and it fell to the floor. I picked it up and looked over at Kyle again, he was still staring, his face scrunched up as if he was trying to get inside my head. But why would anyone want in my head? It's fucking torture up there.

I fixed my stare on him. He sat there, still. This was, awkward. But awkward to me, not to him. I could practically hear his preachy voice breaking through. _Don't do this, don't do that._

Why was my head like this? What the fuck? Why was I questioning everything I already know? Is this what it is like to be awake and aware of my surroundings?

 _I hate it._

I hate it so much. Can it just stop? Why can't I get out of my head?

 _Help._

…

"Are you all right, Craig?" Said a voice. I didn't care who's it was. I didn't want anyone to know my emotions, not a soul.

"Yeah." I said, slurring my words because I didn't care about them. My mouth felt more like a hole of lies. 'I'm fine' and 'Yeah' was all that came out.

"You sure?" The voice said again.

In a random, hormonal, spontaneous fit of anger I sprung my head up and spat out the reply. "Yea…"

 ** _Fucking_** … of course.

Of course it was Kyle. Obviously. I chewed on my lip as I observed the redhead. He stood awkwardly, his back straight, but his legs strung all over the place. He held a book in his right hand which lay against the lockers I was leaning on.

"Dude, Craig? Is that you?" Kyle asked, not seemingly as a joke, but as a genuine question.

"Fuck you." I said, turning away from him.

"I know you don't want to be stuck in your own head forever." He shouted after me, and I turned with a bitterness still running riot inside me.

I walked back up to him and put my finger on his chest, aggressively. "And what would you know about that?"

Kyle's expression didn't change. "I'd know that you're not happy."

"And how would you know that?" I snorted.

"Because I've been there before." Kyle said, his face still not changing once.

"Really?" I said, doubtfully.

"Oh yeah, Craig." He said, trying to compete with me.

"How much?" I said, my cockiness seeping through my skin.

"Enough as to know that you're as fucked as me, right now."

 ** _Now?_**

"What?" I stammered, his words acting like a hammer blow. My body felt like it was about to melt because of… what?

"You heard me." He said, standing up from leaning on the lockers. "Right now."

I saw Kyle in a new light, but one that was murky, unwanted. He had bags under his eyes now, and his skin had been paler than ever. It was like a charade had been lifted. He had been acting weird, he had been distancing himself more than usual. I just never cared. I never cared because I was Craig Tucker. Craig-motherfucking-Tucker.

"Wait, are you… serious?" I said, my mind jumping to conclusions.

"No-one believes I had it, but I did... and it's coming back." He said, straightening his out his slightly crooked mouth. I wanted to say something, but the words didn't come up. I needed to say something, but I… I… I couldn't. "Just please, don't do anything drastic." He pleaded. "Lots of people care about you."

My anger sparked again. "Like who?"

"Like your mom and dad…" He started, listing off people I knew. And these people didn't hate me, but they did in my mind.

"My mom thinks I'm a slut and my dad thinks I hit my family." I snarled, more memories flooding back.

"Your sister." He added.

"She's too young to care." I rasped.

"Token, Clyde…"

"They only hang around me because they used to."

"And Tweek."

 _Who?_

I tilted my head to try and understand him, to try and understand me. "Who?"

"Tweek Tweak." Kyle said his name again.

"Oh, yeah. Him." I remembered, but only that… time at Token's. "And what does he want from me?"

"I don't know, but he wants something." Kyle said as-a-matter-of-factly.

I grabbed my hair and yanked it. Why? Why was this whole situation getting worse by the minute? "What? What does he want?"

Kyle shrugged and looked behind him. "Listen, I have to go now, maybe you should talk to Tweek."

And he turned around to begin heading back to his group. My mind was racing, but I had to get one thing off my chest. "Hey, Kyle?" I called after him.

He looked over at me. "What?"

"Hope you're okay." I said, cracking a small smile. He returned one, and then turned and ran back to his group. Well, I had someone who understood me now. But as I realized Kyle was just a person, and I couldn't talk to him forever, my smile faded.

No. Not the thoughts. Uh…

 _Tweek._

…

I waddled my way over to the small blond, his face turned away to his phone. I made a racket coming up to him, trying not to freak him out, but he still jumped as he heard someone approach him.

"W-what?" He said, his face drooped as he turned to me.

"I just, uh, want to talk." I said, sitting next to him. He shuffled away from where I sat and stared at me questioningly.

"W-why? W-who put you up t-to this?" He said, his bottom lip quivering.

"Uh, no-one. I just noticed you were lonely." I reassured, laying my hands flat on the table.

"O-oh." He said, calming down and staring down at his phone. We sat in silence for a while until I realized I had to kickstart the conversation.

"How you liking South Park?" I asked, hoping for a long response.

"Eh." He shrugged, and he never even moved his gaze from his phone. He was playing some sort of app, hopefully not something like that goddamn Blowout app again. That was the pinnacle of stupidity.

"What, um, what do you do, like after school?" I said, this time expecting another 'eh'. Wrong again.

"I-I mostly work at the coffee shop, m-my dad likes t-to have some days off." Tweek mentioned, looking at me. I tried to crack a smile, but it didn't come off. Another silence followed.

Tweek then perked his head up and looked around. "Y-you sure you're not doing this as a joke?" He asked.

"No, why would I?" I stated, wondering why he kept asking that.

"B-because of the y-you know, T-Token's house." He highlighted. My brain shot embarrassment back into my head, and my face began to ripen.

"Wha… no I'd, uh, completely forgotten about that." I lied. I hadn't forgotten.

"C-cool." He added. More silence followed, and my new self-awkward part of me began kicking in.

"I, I have a Guinea-pig called Stripe, do you have any pets?" I asked, it was corny and a crap topic. Tweek seemed to find it funny, and as he bit his shirt sleeve a smile crept onto his face.

"D-dude, you're so lame." Tweek chuckled, staring into me.

"What? No, I'm not." I said, trying to mislead him. But that wasn't happening, my face was like a ready tomato.

"S-shut up." He said cheerily, and my face produced a disgusting smile.

"No, like, I'm seriously curious about you. All you do is hang around at the back of everyone spasming." I cleared up, trying not to hurt him by saying 'spasming'.

"Curious about what?" He asked, still chuckling about my stupid pets question.

"Like, you." I admitted. That made him stop smiling and turn to me with a serious face.

"No-one wants to know about m-me." Tweek hinted, and turned back to his phone.

I stood up and sighed, stepping out of the cage that had been the bench that they sat on. I waved goodbye to Tweek, and he returned an anxious wave. God, what was with him? I wanted to get to know him, Clyde and Token obviously didn't have the best opinion of me anymore anyway.

School the rest of that day was a blur, I couldn't tell you anything if my life depended on it. I walked home alone, that day. Token and Clyde were not helping, let's put it that way. I made it back to my house and opened the door slowly, the light of the afternoon creeping into the living room. It revealed an empty place, silent. Slowly I edged through the door and slung my bag off my shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. I sat in my room, contemplating whether or not to do anything. I wasn't grounded, yet I was drawn to my computer. And I never used that thing unless I was grounded. Slowly I logged on and stared at the page I had left it on. I didn't want to go back into the virtual world, I wanted to sort out problems in real life, but it had a pull. Soon I was tapping away at my keyboard again, lost in the online chasm.

After a while of scrolling through pages and pages of pictures, and just random objects people had posted, I had exhausted just about every option. Except one. And I was still completely alone, the house quieter than ever. I didn't want to do anything drastic, but my curiosity got the better of me. I had to send another message.

 _That emotions thing really screwd me over_

I waited for a reply, hoping to god the person was logged on.

 _Well my dad used to also say you need a break sometimes and he's pretty cool_

Was the reply. That caught my attention. Dad. That either meant the person was thirty and still lived with their parents, or that they were a kid.

 _Do you go to a high school?_

I asked, trying to narrow down an age for the guy. He seemed pretty cool, so if he was around my age he'd be something new.

 _Should I answer that?_

Huh, not that easy. I had to somehow get this guy to trust me, it was only this way that I was going to find out anything new about this person.

 _I go to a high school_

That seemed pretty risky, but it payed off.

 _Same_

Good. Now I had an average age for the kid... maybe, that was good.

 _So, what grade you in?_

I sent, trying not to be too forward.

 _11_

Well… that was, interesting.

 _Me too_

There was a pause for a moment, my spark of confidence disappearing for a bit, but I didn't have to make the next move.

 _What you going to do in college?_

I thought about it for a second. What did I want to do? My brain didn't want to come up with an answer, it just began to fret, and I almost had another existential crisis because some stranger asked me what I wanted to do for college.

 _I don't know, it's too early_

I always thought everything was too early. Oh, we're just teenagers, no we're just kids… I hated myself for it. I procrastinated too much. Stuff like homework took effort, and effort was hard.

 _I might not go to college_

That surprised me. Not going to college?

 _Why not?_

I sent back, this anonymous person becoming more intriguing by the second.

 _My parents have something else in mind_

This was weird. Two parents voluntarily not sending their kids to school? I mean, I know some people do that, but it seemed so weird to me.

 _Like what?_

I asked.

 _It's dumb_

It wasn't dumb. No, no it wasn't.

 _If that's what they want from you, then it can't be that bad_

My logic wasn't that flawed. If two sane adults had at least a hint of an idea of something else for a kid to do, it wouldn't be dumb.

 _You don't know my parents_

That also wasn't flawed logic. Who was I to agree with something I didn't even know about?

 _My parents are pretty crazy_

I had to add. They were. They were insane, both of them. Not as much my mom, but still insane.

 _In what way_

What way? Just about every single way a marriage could break down. Dad used to cheat, mom's a paranoid person by genetics and all around fuckery.

 _They're always fighting_

Well, not always, but most of the time.

 _What do you do about it?_

To be honest, I really didn't know how I cope with it. Most people would probably go insane with the amount things they fight about.

 _I usually go into my room and watch Red Racer or whatever_

I used to watch Red Racer, but the newest season had been pushed back for like a year, so I lost interest.

 _You watch Red Racer?_

Well, he'd got that spot on.

 _Yeah, it's so good._

I hadn't watched any episodes recently, so I wasn't that infatuated with it, but damn was it a good show to binge watch.

 _I kinda lost it when they went into space_

That episode was one of the best one's ever! How could he lose it?

 _Dude, space is my jam_

I sent back, my mind slightly wandering to dreams of floating around in space.

 _Space is so empty though_

He sent back, and I could feel his doubt through the computer.

 _Yeah, but you can find so much new stuff_

I posted, imagining the excitement of finding another inhabitable planet for humans to live on.

 _I like my life how it is_

Seems like someone doesn't like change, like me.

 _I know what you mean_

…

I spent most of that night talking to that guy. It was just cool to finally talk to someone about shit. About space and Red Racer and all the shit I love. It was just so cool.

I sat in first period, the teacher babbling on about something. I couldn't tell you what, though. I looked around the room for Kyle, there he was. He was concentrating on the lesson, like normal. I scrunched up my face. He seemed so normal on the outside, yet he was like me on the inside. A mess. My life was so good, his life was so good, yet we both felt like something was missing. I scanned the room again, remembering the conversation with the person last night. He could be anyone in this class, anyone. I screwed up my face again and turned my attention back to the teacher.

Lunch came, and I slowly trudged through the halls, wanting for anything to happen to keep me distracted. I wanted to just go home, but I couldn't. From down the hall I saw Clyde and Token approaching where I was. I didn't want to talk to those guys, I had some shit going on.

"Hey, Craig!" Clyde shouted, his happy voice grinding across my ears. I grunted as they approached.

"What's up, Craig?" Token said, tightening his shoulder straps around him.

"Nothing." I spat, turning away from the two. This wasn't what I needed.

"Yeah, sure Craig. Nothing's wrong." Token grunted, his anger slightly showing through his cool demeanor.

I turned back to Token and knitted my eyebrows together. "Are you just going to stand there and interrogate me?"

"Jesus H. Christ, you're aggressive." Clyde said. I think it was supposed to be a joke, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

"Shut up, Clyde." I rasped, turning away and flashing my middle finger at them.

I'd made it halfway down the hall when Token shouted after me. "Get that stick out of your ass."

I scowled to myself, but lowered my head and just carried on walking. I made it out onto the basketball courts and sat near the trees by the side. If I'd have known someone else was there I wouldn't have sat down. It was silent. Desolate and calm. Perfect.

"Craig Tucker." The voice said, making me jump out of my skin. Soon, though, I realized who it was and turned around to face the noise. Kyle. "Hey."

"What brings you here?" He questioned. I breathed out and place a hand on my forehead.

"Friends." I said hesitantly. He made a weird noise, I think it was a huff of laughter.

"Yeah. They fucking screw with you." He admitted, shuffling next to me on the tree. I moved so he had enough space.

"No, it's just, the constant questioning." I declared, grabbing a tuft of my hair which was visible from underneath my chullo.

"They do that. Most people probably won't understand it." He said, messing with his hat. I watched him for a moment.

"I want to explain it to them, but I don't understand it myself." I put in, looking over the basketball court.

"It's probably just your hormones." Kyle said, his knowledge showing.

"No. It's not hormones. I don't like thinking about the future, you know?" I groaned, looking over to Kyle.

He stared at the sky for a moment. "Dude, you've fucked me up now."

"I do that a lot." I admitted, turning away from him.

"Stop blaming yourself for everything bad that happens." Kyle stressed. I just glanced at him with an uneasy face. He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. A strong breeze blew, but I didn't care. I was too engrossed in my own mind.

I saw two people approaching, and as they got closer I noticed it was Token and Clyde. They couldn't leave me alone. "For fuck's sake."

"What?" Kyle said, his attention being turned to the two. He sighed as they came and sent a 'really?' glance towards me. I telepathically agreed, and fixed my eyes back to the two.

They came up quite fast and I could tell neither of them were happy. "Really, Craig?"

"Yeah." I spat, standing up above them both.

"Kyle?" Clyde said, giving the redhead a dirty glare.

"What's wrong with that?" I growled.

"You've been seriously screwy for a while, Craig, but this isn't you." Token hissed, lifting his finger to point at me.

"People change, Token." I quipped, getting quite the stare from him.

"Uh-huh, what's changed in Craig Tucker, then?" He sneered, his face unmoving other than his mouth.

"To be quite honest Token, I don't know. But other people have noticed and tried to help. Yes, I know this isn't me, but at least try to fucking help." I deadpanned, my face red with rage.

"I can't help you when you walk off every single time." Token objected, his teeth now showing in frustration.

"Alright. Here, I'm not walking off." I seethed, squinting my eyes. The two didn't say anything. "Anything you want, Token."

"Are. You. Okay?" He said, slowly, dragging his tongue over every word.

"No." I spat. Clyde eyed me up and down, Token's face held no emotion.

"Surprised it took you that long to notice." Kyle said, finally standing up from the tree.

"What would you know about it?" Clyde said, competing with Kyle for 'Best Bro' as he called it.

"I _know_ what's been screwing Craig up." Kyle said, chewing on his lip.

"Sure you do." Clyde said, his face now full of rage. At this point I had had enough of everyone's shit, so I burst.

"All three of you can just shut the fuck up." I snapped. "It's not fucking helping that you're all arguing _because_ of me."

"But Craig…" Token began, but I had been done with his shit a long time ago.

"No. _You_ shut up, _you_ shut up and _you_ shut up. I'm out." I swore, storming off.

"Craig!?" Token shouted, trying to get me to come back. But I didn't want to take any more shit. School sucked, my friends sucked, and I was alone in my own brain.

…

I watched him jump around and chirp, a smile cracking onto my lips. Stripe jumped around as I tried to tickle his stomach, making him peep in delight. He began crawling up my arm, which lay on my desk, and made it to my face. A barrage of chirps and trills entered my ears and I kissed his soft fur. Slowly I put him back down on the desk and looked at my computer screen. I typed a few words and pressed send, hoping for a response.

 _I've fucked up_

And I had. I've fucked up bad, now everyone hates me.

 _Why?_

A response came back in a matter of minutes. I guessed this other person didn't really have anything else to do, he always replied within seconds.

 _I just told all my friends to fuck off_

Is what I sent back.

 _I've never had many friends. Like really close ones_

I squinted at the screen. It's what I expected, but now it was confirmed. I rubbed my eyes and sent a message back.

 _How about we say we're friends?_

It was cringy and stupid, and but it worked.

 _Yeah_

Yeah. That was cool. A friend. Then I took a step back. This was… sad. But, what else could I do? I'd pretty much pissed off about every single person I knew in real life. To be honest I don't know one person who'd actually want to be my friends. I looked back at my computer, I had to follow through with this, no matter how embarrassing or stupid it was, I wanted to do this.

 _I just don't know how I fucked up this bad_

I really didn't know why I was like this. My life was cool, amazing, and the conclusion boiled down to me being lonely all the time. And it wasn't friends either, it had to be a… relationship.

 _Come on, I have it worse_

I gritted my teeth as I read the message. Worse?

 _Worse how?_

I asked, still in denial of my train of thought's conclusion.

 _My parents wont even let me make any friends because it might distract me_

Distract him? How?

 _What even?_

I put back, as confused in words as I was in real life.

 _I don't know_

I pushed a lump of hair under my hat and got ready to type something else, but he sent me another message.

 _I'm going now_

And as soon as that message came through, I felt empty. Without a purpose. I picked up Stripe and put him back in his cage, flinging a glance back at the computer. Through there was a really good friend, someone who listens to my problems. I clenched my fists in anger, if only I could meet him. If only…

I walked to school the next day alone, Token and Clyde off limits for a while. I had to make it up to those guys, someway or another. But not now. I made it to the double doors and swung them open, my shoes making an awful screeching on the tiled floor as I made my way through. I barged through the door to my first class and sauntered my way to the back like always. I sat down and slung my bag under my desk, a loud crash protruding from where I was. I sat in my seat and looked around me. Nothing abnormal but a few pieces of paper scattered over my desk. One caught my eye though, it had the letters 'READ' in bold on the front.

Slowly I crinkled it open and sprawled it out on my desk. What I saw was one of the scariest things in my life. On the paper in bubbly handwriting sat the words: I Know Who You Are Rocketman114 (my online name for the website I was on last night). Instantly I flipped my shit. Someone here, at school, knew who I was. They knew my weak, dorky side. No-one knew that side of me, no-one. At school I liked the 'Non-caring asshole' persona I had built up over the years.

That was when the teacher spotted me at the back of the class with a note in my hand. "Craig Tucker, do you mind telling me what you have there?"

I could feel a thousand eyes turn towards me, everyone in the class staring directly at me. "What? Uh, nothing."

That was an obviously awkward answer, and the teacher began wandering over to me. "Give it here." She demanded.

With hesitation I handed the note over and she threw it behind her without looking. It landed onto her desk and bounced off onto her chair. "Don't let me see you passing notes in my class again."

I watched her amble over to her desk and, without looking, chuck the note into the bin. "You are hopeless, Craig." She spat. "You're never going to go anywhere in life."

That was the last straw. I stood up and picked up my bag from the table and walked over to the teacher. She also stood up and began screeching at me, her annoying voice ricocheting around the room. "Do you want to go to the counselor's office!?"

"Yes." I said back. That caught her off and she stopped screaming for a minute, then she turned to her desk, slipped out a piece of paper handed it to me and began screeching at me to get out of her classroom. I slammed open the class door with my foot and strode out of the room, hearing the teacher's voice quieten down. I rolled my eyes and made my over to the counselor's office.

I sat down in the chairs just outside the waiting room as I could hear a kid inside already. A few minutes went by and the kid came out, shaking. It was Tweek, Mr. Pober stood behind him. I gave him a small wave and a small smile, he saw it, but his eyes and hands were twitching hard.

"Oh, uh, Craig." Mr. Pober said in surprise. "Wait a minute, you're perfect. Come in here. Tweek, come on!"

I came into his office and sat down on the chair. He produced another one to my side and Tweek sat down in that. "What's this about?" I asked.

"Well, Craig, your Tweek's friend, right?" He said, I had to think hard about this. Was Tweek my friend? He was nice to me, and I had tried to talk to him, but I don't know if that counted. But, then again, he was one of the only people in this school that wanted to get to know me (other than that person from the website).

"Yeah." I said nonchalantly. As I did I heard Tweek beginning to make these really aggravated twitching sounds and little 'erk's and 'argh's came out.

"Well how do you calm him down?" Mr. Pober asked. To be honest I didn't know that. Well, I did. But that was… touchy.

"Uh, Clyde used to… um, hug him." I grimaced, my face turning inside out as I said that.

Mr. Pober raised an eyebrow and looked over at the blond. Tweek's eyes were wide in horror, and mine did the same when I caught on to what he was going to ask next. "Could you… demonstrate?"

My face flushed, Tweek's as well. I began biting on my nails and Tweek began to freak out even more. "Sir, you might want to call Clyde in here…"

"I don't have time. You guys are friends, hug!" Mr. Pober demanded, his face turning sterner by the minute.

Slowly I leaned over to Tweek, biting my teeth, and placed my arms around him. His warmth was radiant, and I could smell a strong smell of caffeine on him. After this, awkward, encounter I leaned back, expecting Tweek to be flipping his shit. But he wasn't he just sat there, still. I cocked an eyebrow and studied him. His eyes were still wide and his brow was still furrowed, but he made no movement.

"Uh, thanks Craig. Come on, Tweek." Mr. Pober said, standing up and shuffling Tweek out of the room. I watched as he waved the boy out and returned soon. "Don't begin to think this is a normal occurrence, but I'm letting you off on this, Craig."

My eyes lit up at Mr. Pober's words. "Really?"

"Yes." He replied solemnly, obviously not wanting to say what he just had. "I've been trying to calm that Tweek kid down for ages, and you've got a magic touch."

"Huh, magic, that's something I could get used to." I snorted.

"Now, I'm not sending you back to your class, so you can walk Tweek back to his." Mr. Pober added, gesturing towards the door.

"Uh… really?" I grunted.

"Yes, really, now go help your friend find his way around." Sir said, standing up and walking over to the windowsill to retrieve a cup of coffee. I heard him faintly say 'Damn, those Tweak's make a good cuppa' as I left. I came out of the counselor's office to a still wide-eyed Tweek. I walked up to him and made a tiny smile appear on my face, he didn't take that as a nice gesture.

"W-why d-did you do t-that Craig?" Tweek asked, not shaking, but his voice full of fear.

"Um, to calm you down." I said, sticking my hands in my pockets.

"T-that didn't f-feel forced." He said, a slight twitch appearing.

"Maybe I like you." I said, flicking an ear of my chullo.

"W-what!?" He squeaked, his mouth dropping to the ground.

"I like you." I said again, hoping that would clarify my point.

"Y-you l-like me?" He gulped, grabbing a lump of hair.

"Yeah, and dude, don't grab your hair." I said, slapping his hand away from his tuft of hair. He just looked at me with the widest eyes. "I'm sure we can be good friends, Tweek."

He seemed to calm down after that, and he soon began to stop twitching. "O-oh, I have u-uh, music."

We walked over to the music room and I said goodbye to him. He actually managed to give a tiny smile and a wave as he went in. Well, that could've gone worse.

…

I sat at a bench outside, watching the snow drift over me. There was so much of it, and it kind of reminded me of myself. Just one flake in a crowd of others. I couldn't focus on that right now, as I saw a figure approaching me.

It wasn't Kyle, Token, Clyde or Tweek. It was…

 _Wendy_

"Hey Craig." She said politely, sitting down opposite me.

"Hi." I said, my monotone voice being extremely bland.

"So, how you been?" She asked, placing her hands on the table.

"What do you want?" I said sternly. She just laughed.

"You're funny, Rocketman." I cringed as soon as she said it. _Her_. Of all people.

"What do you want?" I said again, knitting my eyebrows.

"I don't know. You're just interesting, Craig." She said, resting her head on her hand, which was now held up by her propped elbow.

"I couldn't give a shit." I growled. She just laughed again and swiped a stray hair around her ear.

"You know, Craig, I always used to think you didn't give a shit about anything, but hearing about you and Stripe… it's just so, cute." I stood up and stepped out of the bench.

"Fuck off, Wendy" I spat and turned away. I heard her say something inaudible, but I was already walking off. Alone.

Well, I was alone until that psychopath came up to me in the hall, pushing me around. "What are you doing, Craig?"

I rolled my eyes and bit down on my bottom lip. "Do you have to do this, Stan?"

He nodded. "Yes. Me and Wendy _just_ broke up, and you think it's right to talk to her straight away?"

"Did you even see what happened?" I rasped, pulling my hands out of my jumper's pockets.

"Yes, I did." He smirked, his fucking stupid smile growing across his face.

"So you saw _her_ approach _me_ , you dingbat." I hissed.

"And?" Stan said, pushing me back. I sent a shove his way and he grit his teeth together and swung for me.

I read it perfectly, dodging his fist and taking a quick jab at his chest with my left fist. He felt it, but sent another punch at me. This one did connect, but with my shoulder. I grabbed his shirt and sent a flying knee into his stomach which winded him. But that didn't stop him. He thrust out a leg which traced the inside of my legs and up to my crotch. I screwed my face up and staggered back, and Stan was just about to land another punch into my face, when a certain blond charged into him. Tweek pinned him against the lockers with some force and began pummeling his midriff.

He got pushed off by another student and fell to the ground. I saw Stan, clutching his abdomen, turn to Tweek. Tweek had saved me _twice._ I could save him _once_ , at least. I launched myself at Stan, grabbing onto his shoulders and pulling him forward into a leg that struck his shin. In pain he knelt down, and I sent a blow across the face. He swung his head with the momentum of the blow before collapsing to the floor. Now I had one more student to deal with. _Token!?_

He ran up to me and got a quick jab at my face. I didn't acknowledge it, though, and sent three punches at his chest. Token stumbled backwards, but gritted his teeth and barged towards me. He caught me in his grip and rammed me against the lockers. When we connected I was winded, but I sent an elbow to his head and he dropped instantly, clutching his skull. When he finally hit the floor, I ran over to Tweek, who was still on the ground. I picked him up and lifted my brow.

"Dude, nice ram." I complimented, he sent a tiny smile towards me.

"T-Token's strong." He said, and I nodded.

"I had to use my elbow." I admitted, chewing the lip which now had a split or two in it. He sent a shocked look at me.

"T-that's cheating." He fretted, grabbing a tuft of hair. I just sent a grin his way.

"Yeah, and Stan kicked me in the balls." His eyes widened.

"Y-you okay?" He stammered, biting his fingernails.

"Yeah. Let's go." I approved, and we soon left to our next classes.

…

If all that happened at school today didn't happen, I would still be talking to Wendy over an online website. I guess talking to Tweek in person is a bit of upgrade. Of course, I'm kidding, talking to Tweek in person is pretty much three times better than talking to that bitch and her psychotic (ex)boyfriend.

"M-my parents make me work at the coffee shop on weekends, which sucks. I try not to get t-too attached to friends." Tweek said, looking up at the sky.

"That sucks." I said. "I don't want to get a part-time job. It just takes up some of my time, and I like to use that."

Tweek turned his head towards me and squinted. "Yeah, b-but I can't really get out o-of it, because my parents own t-the shop."

"So, you can only hang out on weekdays?" I quizzed. He turned to me and nodded. I sucked on my teeth and took a deep breath. "That sucks."

"Y-yeah, but I can m-make a mean coffee." He giggled, his tiny laugh making me grin like an idiot.

"Dude, stop." I said, sending a flimsy punch at him. He just hit it away and carried on chuckling.

He finally finished laughing to himself and his face slowly unwound from a happy smile to a distressed face. "D-do you think T-Token will be mad?"

"He knows what he did." I said, straightening my face out to look like I was contemplating something.

It was silent for a bit, and the wind picked up. I breathed in, held it for a moment, and breathed out, all in one motion.

"C-Craig, are you okay?" Tweek asked, his eyebrows lifting up.

"I don't know if I should tell you this, Tweek, because you don't need any more problems. But, no." I said, smearing my hand over my face.

"W-why?" He asked, innocence seeping out of his mouth.

"I… it's hard to talk about." I admitted, gritting my teeth.

"Y-you don't have to." Tweek said, trembling at my sudden change of attitude.

"It's just… like I have something missing. A hole that can't be filled." I confessed, choking on my weak words as they left my mouth.

"W-what needs to fill it, Craig?" He asked, curious but scared in his wording and tone.

"You… you can't help. I need to do it. By myself." I breathed out, looking over at Tweek. His emerald eyes were fixed on me, but I didn't care. It was like he was searching for an answer in my eyes.

"O-oh." He stammered, fumbling with his coffee.

Another silence followed, and I stared into the sky again. It was so vast and deep, like it could go on forever. I wanted to go up there, but down here I felt alone… so I didn't know how I would cope up there.

"I'm going. See you tomorrow, Tweek." I said, standing up and waving goodbye to the blond. He gave a small wave, and I smiled, lowering my head to the floor.

I came back to my house and burst through the door, sauntering up the stairs and coming to my door. I went into my room and said hello to Stripe, flopping down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. Without people to talk to I felt empty, I needed to learn to like myself. But how am I meant to do that? I had to do something about. I had to…

Apologize.

…

I came up to the small corner of the sidewalk and looked around. Empty. I sighed and carried on walking, maybe they had already gone. I went the usual way and followed it. In the distance I saw a single person walking along at the pace of a snail.

I jogged my way over, my bag swinging around crazily as I crossed the road to reach the person. "Clyde!"

He turned as soon as my voice called for him, and his face was bland. I ran up to him and lay my hands on my knees. "What?" He snorted, his voice angry.

"I'm sorry about everything that's happened." I panted, catching my breath. He just shook his head and looked away. "Listen Clyde, I've been in a real fucked situation, alright? I know I've acted like a dick the past few days, and I just wanted to say sorry."

He looked down at the ground and chewed on his top lip. "Have I ever told you how much I hate Token?"

I looked up in shock. "What? No."

"He left me in the dirt, said he didn't want to hang out anymore." Clyde spluttered, his emotions seeping through.

"Wait, Token?" I growled, scowling at the thin air as if Token was stood beside him.

"Yeah." Clyde stammered, his breath becoming frantic and panting. He let a tear drop from his eye and I stepped back in horror.

"Token? Token did that?" I asked again, just for conformation.

"He… he said I was hopeless. Too dumb to care for." Clyde spat out before sobbing into his hands.

"Clyde, you're not dumb." I said to him, placing my hand onto his shoulder.

"Yeah." He chuckled, lifting his head from his hands and letting out a huff of happiness. "Tell that to everybody that I've let down."

"You haven't let down anyone, Clyde." I affirmed, squeezing my hand on his shoulder.

I let him look at me for a moment, and then pulled him in for a hug. I felt a dampness connect with my chest, and I felt trembles every time he let out a little whimper.

He stepped back and looked up to me, his eyes full of tears. "Thanks, Craig."

"Don't get too attached." I said, letting go of him. "Let's go."

We came to the school and I made it through the double doors waving goodbye to Clyde, turning the opposite way to my class. I soon found through the door and came through it, sitting at the back like always.

On my desk lay a piece of paper, the same handwriting as the 'Rocketman' note. I swiped it off my table, I didn't need more shit to deal with. I had to talk to Token and confront him.

That time came pretty quickly, I don't know why, but my world was moving pretty fast. Lunch came soon, and I knew what I had to do. I crashed through the door from my fourth period class and strode over to Token's locker.

He soon appeared around the corner and rolled his eyes when he approached. "What do you want, Craig?" He snarled, curling his lip at me.

"I want to talk." I said, folding my arms and eyeing him from head to toe.

"Craig? Talk?" He chuckled in disbelief. "You?"

I looked askance at him. "Yep."

Token grabbed his belly and let out a deep laugh, taking huge breaths each time he looked over at me. "What do you want?"

"I want to know why you think ditching people and telling them they are hopeless is a good idea?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Token's face morphed into one full of anger. "And you didn't ditch us?"

I rolled my eyes. "If you didn't notice, I was in a bad place. I still am."

"That doesn't excuse avoiding us for days." He rasped, gritting his teeth together and widening his eyes.

"At least I didn't ram Clyde's confidence into the ground." I fumed, lifting my finger at him.

"Yeah, after he told me I was a traitor." Token argued, lifting his hands and shaking them violently at me.

"A traitor for what?" I swore, throwing my arms out to my side.

"Listen Craig, it's girl problems alright?" Token said, taking a step back. "Not that you would know anything about that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I quipped, lowering at Token.

"That means it's between: Me, Clyde, Bebe, and Nichole." Token explained, lifting his hand up and throwing it down for every name he mentioned.

I was about to say something, but I stopped myself and just scowled at Token. "Don't fuck everything up."

"And it's not already? I knew you were naïve Craig, but you aren't this dumb." Token mocked, biting his lip as he said it.

"We had a good thing going." I said, emphasizing the 'good' part.

"Yeah, and _someone_ screwed it up." He quipped, turning away from me.

I stood for a moment, toying with the decision to run up to Token and knock some sense into him, but that would just make everything worse than it was already. God dammit.


	3. The Movie Guy

_Trigger Warning_

 _Some shit is going down._

* * *

"Leave it, he doesn't want to go with us anymore, alright?" Clyde reassured, holding his hands out in front of him like a stop sign.

I sighed and threw a crop of hair to the side. "Yeah, but it's Token. He was hanging out with us for ages."

"People change." Clyde sniffed, leaning back in his chair. _I knew that too well._

I just shook my head and set a gaze at him, trying to convince him I disagreed. "I know… but, Token. Token Black."

Clyde gulped down a blob of regret which had been stuck in his throat. "It'll never be the same."

I squinted my eyes to blind myself from the truth, not noticing the blond boy approaching us. Tweek ambled up, his little legs swinging frantically over the blanket of snow which covered the South Park ground all year around. "H-hey, guys."

I looked over to Clyde and he looked back. "I mean, it's not a bad replacement." He approved.

I scowled at Clyde, Tweek just shot his head around to try and figure out what was going on. Clyde just shrugged at me, as if to say, 'What did I do?'. One thing that wouldn't change was Clyde… being Clyde.

"Well, if you're going that way, then who's going to be the 'movie guy'?" I said, sitting up. Clyde just kept his eyes on me.

"Uh, who else?" He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Why me?" I protested, my voice being unusually defensive. "What do I do?"

Clyde held his belly and began laughing. "Craig, you watch Red Racer twenty-four seven."

"Why can't Tweek be the movie guy?" I spluttered. Tweek looked over to me, his eyes bugging out.

"He doesn't seem too thrilled by that." Clyde said, pointing out the obvious. I closed my eyes a little to show him that, yes, I knew already.

"W-wait, I do have l-like, a lot of movies." Tweek stammered, pulling out his phone and unlocking it. He soon made it to his gallery and showed us a picture of his movie collection. It was quite impressive actually, shelves upon shelves of movies stacking up on each other.

"Woah. Tweek Tweak is a movie buff?" Clyde said, pulling his head back from craning his neck around to see the phone screen.

"Y-yeah, I like to watch movies because I-I don't get much sleep." He said, twitching a little harder.

"What kind of movies are your… jam?" Clyde asked, getting a sock in the arm for saying 'jam'.

"M-mostly adventure ones." He said, calming down now. Clyde's face soon lit up, meaning he had an idea. These were typically stupid, and if it were not for me smashing him in the arm so often, he would probably come out with even more stupid ideas than he already does.

"Dude, we should go to Tweek's and watch a movie!" Clyde said, jumping up from his sitting position.

"Clyde, shouldn't you ask him first?" I groaned, sticking my hands in my pockets. He rolled his eyes, but followed my suggestion. I was a Tucker, always right. Then again, thinking of how fucked my family is, that probably wasn't a good thing to hold.

"Oh, yeah, Tweek can we come over to watch a movie?" He chirped. I could almost see him jumping up and down like a Japanese school girl.

"U-uh, um… y-y… mayb-b-be?" Tweek stuttered, his anxiousness peaking as soon as Clyde gave him one of those Donovan trademark sad faces.

"Cool." Clyde said. "Today, then."

"W-wait, like, how d-do you host a t-thing like this?" Tweek stumbled, his words crashing together as they left his mouth. I rolled my eyes, and Clyde glowered in my direction.

"You just, have us over. You can tell us when you don't like us doing something." Clyde reassured.

"You need to do that a lot with Clyde." I said, gesturing my thumb over to the brunette. He scrunched his face up at me.

"O-oh, okay."

…

We arrived at the Tweak residence pretty early after school finished, it was only a short walk, and we'd made it inside by twenty to four. Clyde was giddy, Tweek was nervous and I was… lost in my thoughts again.

"U-uh, we're here." Tweek said, thrusting me out of my subconscious and back into the real world. I looked up and down the Tweek household, it was standard. Burgundy, and frosted over like everything else.

Clyde barged through the door, making Tweek wince as it smashed into the wall behind it. "We're here!" Clyde announced, spreading his arms out like he was a jazz singer. The first thing I noticed about Tweek's house was the distinct aurora of coffee, don't get me wrong – I know Tweek's parents are coffee mad, owning a shop and all, but it was so overwhelming, so… strong. I've never personally liked coffee, but I could stand it. The second thing I noticed was the cleanliness of the place. Tweek seemed to be on edge all the time, yet his house was perfectly clean. Spotless. That insight soon changed as we reached Tweek's room, though. This _was_ a pigsty.

"Dude!" Clyde said, his head swishing frantically to examine the room.

"S-sorry it's a mess, I-I never get to clean the p-place up." Tweek began, but Clyde waved his hand in protest.

"Nah, man, this is sick! My parents say that I _have_ to clean my own room, it sucks." Clyde gushed, holding his cheeks in amazement.

"Maybe because they don't want you to live in your own filth." I said, Clyde's grin disappearing from his face as I brought him back down to earth.

"I-it's not that bad." Tweek protested, shooting his look around the room.

"Your room isn't bad," I said. "Clyde's would be, though."

Clyde scrunched up his face and hunched his arms. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you would probably live in your own _shit_ if you could." I deadpanned.

Clyde tutted his tongue against the roof of his mouth before switching the conversation away from his own embarrassment. "So what films do you have?"

Tweek pointed over to a cupboard situated in the corner of the room. "T-they're there."

Clyde rushed over and flung the doors open, revealing shelves of neatly packed movies. There were so many, as well, categorized into tiny packages of films. Labels were strewn all over, packaging clusters of movies into genres. Immediately Clyde flung himself at the horror section, flicking through copies of movies. He finally stopped on one and studied for a moment, before his face lit up like a bulb. "Holy shit, dude!"

I craned my neck over to look at the case he was holding. It read: 'Bat-wielding midget maniac.' "What?" I asked, an underlying tone of maliciousness in my voice.

"This film is flipping banned! Like, I think this is the only copy of it in _America_." Clyde spluttered, getting way too excited for a movie.

Tweek furrowed his brow at the brunette's excitement. "R-really?"

"Yeah, bro!" He said back, jumping up and down like a Japanese school girl again.

He pulled it out from the cupboard and slammed the door closed, swiveling on his heels and making his way over to the Blu Ray. It was soon in and the title flashed across. "This is going to be so _fucking_ good, dude!"

The three of us all sat down on the bed, Clyde on the edge, me in the middle and Tweek squished up against the wall. "Tweek, you don't have to go over there." I said, laughing in my head at his attempts to distance himself from the movie.

"N-no, like, scary movies f-freak me o-out way too much!" He cried, twitching pretty hard.

I threw him a pillow. "Dig your face into that, and don't dig it into my lap." I joked, he didn't take it as a joke though. His face flushed white and he began to stare into space.

"Oh, shit, sorry." I apologized. I don't even know why I joked about it, and Clyde must've thought that as well, because he was glaring at me in the most confused way possible.

He came back to consciousness and looked over at me. "O-oh, it's okay. I-I guess it was more awkward for you, m-me being gay and all."

I tilted my head. _Oh yeah_ , he was gay. "Woah man, I like gay people." I protested, getting a jab in the side from Clyde.

"Are you coming out right now, Craig?" Clyde joked. I turned white and just stared at him for a moment.

After eventually getting my bearings, I replied to his remark. "You know what I mean, dickhead."

The movie started, and Clyde was already hyping shit up. 'Dude this is way better than Token's!' and 'Woah, so cool!'. It seemed like the movie was doing a good job, as well, because around ten minutes in Clyde had his mouth open and Tweek had his hands over his eyes. We came to around the middle part of the film, Tweek's face already buried deep into the pillow. Clyde also wasn't holding up too well. I know he's a wuss, but this movie _got_ to him. Like, I haven't seen him this scared before. _I_ wasn't too bothered, I was buried in my phone.

I guess a jump-scare happened, because Clyde actually _jumped_ up from the creaky bed and ran out of the room. I stared in astonishment as the brunette who claimed, 'He was never scared of anything' just _ran away_ from a TV. I heard Tweek whimper, and I kind of felt bad for him, so I stood up and went over to the TV and switched it off. No sound came for a moment, like it was the dying roar of a battlefield, but that soon changed when Tweek screamed into his pillow.

" _Whhhhyyyy!"_ He screamed, and I could see his stomach crunch as he used his last oxygen to cry into his pillow. He finally stuck his face up from the pillow and scanned the room. "C-Craig?"

I gave a small chuckle at his distressed face, that and it was to calm him down. "What?"

"I-Is it off?" He whimpered. I nodded, and he sighed heavily. "W-why did Clyde put me through that?" He whimpered again, I shrugged.

"Because it's Clyde." I said, turning to the door. I guessed he was still in the hallway, panting his head off. Yeah, that seemed like a Donovan thing to do.

"W-why'd we have t-to watch that!?" He protested. I shrugged again, turning back to the blond.

"Clyde's awkward, okay?" I said, swishing a crop of hair under my chullo.

"A-awkwarder than me?" He questioned. I gave a small huff of laughter.

"Awkwarder isn't a word, and yeah. He's awkward." I chuckled.

"H-how so?" Tweek asked, really pushing me to explain myself. To be honest, I don't even know why I said that. Surely he knew everyone was awkward.

"Well, you know, everybody's got something embarrasing about themselves." I said, cringing after as I was awaiting the after-effects.

"A-are you awkward, C-Craig?"

 _Yep, there it was._

I turned to Tweek and cracked a small smile. "Well, in a way."

Tweek returned a small, forced smile. "Y-yeah, but how?"

I couldn't refuse his question. He had somehow tapped into my brain, if it was still alive in there, and pulled my strings perfectly. "Uh, I… um. Well, my favorite movies are, uh… documentaries."

Tweek laughed. That was the first time I had heard a _proper_ laugh. Not a nervous giggle. A deep, bellowing laugh, mocking my naivety. "T-that doesn't make you a-awkward."

"Why not?" I asked. It seemed pretty awkward to me at that moment. A stressed, possibly depressed, teen like me liking documentaries. What wasn't weird?

"T-that's just what you like." He reassured, his voice now this awkwardly calming tone. "I-if anyone's awkward, i-it's me."

I knitted my brow. "You're not awkward."

He seemed taken aback by my random gesture of kindness, _I_ seemed taken aback by it. "B-but I twitch all the time and… and..."

"And?" I said. "That's just you, Tweek." I don't know where this came from, I'd never ever been told this by someone else, so I was as surprised as Tweek.

His face went blank for a moment, and then another smile came onto his face. But it wasn't small, it was big. A _proper_ smile. "I-I didn't look at it that way."

"No-one does." I laughed. "Now, let's put on an actual movie."

I'd soon booted up a copy of The Goonies, and Tweek had his eyes fixed on it intently. Clyde eventually made it back as well, and he looked completely white in the face. I didn't ask about it. It seemed rude, although that never stopped me before, and in the end I decided to shut up for everyone's sake.

…

The snow crunched under my feet and I looked around. Blankets of snow layered the ground as always, and the sun was hidden behind rows of grey clouds.

Yeah it sucked that Token was being an ass, and my mind was still stuck in the perpetual cycle of shit, but I felt like I was progressing in life. I felt like something was finally happening in my life, and I was proud of it. I don't know why I was proud, but I was, and that was good.

"We need a plan." Clyde said, waving his hands like an idiot. Tweek walked along side us, cradling his coffee thermos.

"Who says so?" I asked, shaking my head at the brunette's completely oblivious nature. Tweek seemed to agree with me, or I think he did, he never usually says anything critical about anyone. Most teenagers are at each other's throats twenty-four seven, yet he was completely quiet. Not a sound.

"Tacticians, Craig." Clyde replied, acting like it was the most obvious answer to my question ever. It wasn't.

"What kind of tacticians?" I coaxed, hoping to catch him off guard, embarrassing him for babbling on about something he didn't even know anything about.

"Like uh, Napoleon." He guessed, and even though I could tell it was a guess, he wasn't wrong.

In defeat I rubbed a hand against my face. "What would Napoleon do, then?"

"He would go over to him and be like… cool." Clyde planned, his voice carrying a hint of deliriousness with it.

I turned to him with a sigh and fixed my gaze onto him. "'Be cool'? Good plan, Napoleon."

He sent a punch at me and it connected with my arm. I didn't flinch, to be honest a three-year-old girl wouldn't flinch at Clyde's punches, and just carried on walking, head lowered. After a bit he seemed offended by my lack of caring and shot another punch into my arm. I tried to stop him by glaring at him but he just kept punching, and soon I was completely fed up with it.

Without thought I shoved him over into a thick layer of snow, not realizing there was a group of people stood right next to us as I did it. He went crashing into them, screaming my name, and Clyde, and two other people lay flattened on the ground. I looked down at Clyde on the floor, his face full of helplessness like an overturned turtle. Next to him, on the floor, lay Bebe and Wendy. I gritted my teeth together hard, this could not end well.

"What the **_FUCK_** Clyde!?" Bebe screeched, her teeth showing like a pair of fangs ready to sting right into a prey's neck. Well, in this circumstance, it sure seemed that way. She was beaten pretty bad, a bruise on her face already.

"Craig you fuck!" Clyde shouted at me, not even acknowledging the two-people next to him.

"Clyde!?" Bebe screeched again, and this time he noticed. I could see his face turn white as soon as he realized who it was, and I could feel his fear.

"Oh, uh… sorry Bebe." He stammered, lifting himself off the floor with the help of Tweek. I just stood back, the girls in this school were bitches, so I wasn't getting involved.

"You should be, pulling that shit at my house and then knocking me over! You are a sad, pathetic little man, Clyde!" Bebe cried, now standing. I could see Clyde cowering from her.

I suddenly got this urge to defend Clyde, and it was weird. Like super weird. I'm not joking when I say this, but I felt bad for Clyde. Obviously, at that moment I didn't know the whole story, but I felt bad for him. Without though, for the second time in a few minutes, I stepped in. "Listen here, Bebe. I don't know what shit he pulled at your house but calling him sad and pathetic is going a little far, you think?"

She scowled at me. "You don't know what happened though!"

"Tell me, then I'll judge." I explained. She hesitated for a moment, then began speaking. Clyde's face went an even paler shade of white when she began.

"He fucking pulled a condom out in front of my parents." She admitted, and I stood there for a moment.

"Wait, what?" I said, my confusion taking over my entire body.

"He pulled a cond…" She began, but I cut her off with a 'Yeah, I hear you the first time'. I think it was just my body reacting when I asked the, 'What' and I didn't like it at all.

"That's it?" I asked, darting my eyes between the two. "That's what this had been about?"

"Y… yeah." Clyde said, lowering his head in shame.

"Wait a minute, Craig, who are you to judge what happened? I bet your parents haven't even fucking had the talk with you, knowing their stubborn asses." Bebe rasped. My breath raced as memories came flooding back to my mind. Great remind me about this.

" _Sure,_ Bebe, _sure._ Let me tell you, that's _my_ condom and _I_ got into deep shit because of it as well. Don't go around thinking you're special, because you're not." I spat, the rage from my parents' confrontations seeping through me.

"Whatever." Bebe said, flapping her hand at me. That pissed me off more.

"No, not whatever. Do you see what shit this has put Clyde in as well?" I growled, gesturing over to Clyde who stood nervously beside Bebe, rubbing his arm up and down. "He doesn't seem too fucking thrilled about it either. Get your head out your own ass and look at the world for once."

"Shut up, Craig. You don't talk to me like that." Bebe spat back, curling her already frizzy hair.

"I can talk to you however the fuck I want." I snarled. My dad says that all the time, at least I'd got one useful thing from him.

"Guys, stop." Wendy said, pushing Bebe aside. I bit my lip, but didn't stop my strong frown. "Stop fighting."

"You too, Wendy." I said. "I know you think that you do right all the time, but you don't. No-one does. Can't you fucking see that? Everyone of us are stuck up pricks who take everything for granted."

"Craig, stop, this isn't you." She argued weakly. I felt a tug on my jacket, but I just shrugged it off, continuing my rant.

"You, me, Clyde, Bebe. We're all pieces of shit. Get. That. Through. Your. Fucking. Head." I finally finished, my head practically heaving steam off it.

"Where's that Craig I know? The nice one?" Wendy queried, holding me back.

"Dead and buried." I spat. After that it was quiet for a while, and a tugging on my jacket became harder. Giving up, I turned around and looked at who it was. _Tweek._ Aw fuck, he shouldn't have seen me like that.

"C-Craig?" He said, his twitches quite heavy.

"What?" I snapped.

"A-Are you okay?" He asked, trembling now. I just wanted this to end, I was making everyone uncomfortable, and now my rant was over, I could feel the awkwardness of it all.

"No, and don't talk to me. It's for your own sake." I said, removing his hand from my jacket and storming off. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but I felt obligated. I had to just let this anger go away.

That was how I ended up in the counselor's office after throwing down a row of lockers and breaking a door. Something had possessed me, and it wasn't good. Not at all.

"So," Mr. Pober began. "hello Craig."

I shook my head. "Can I go home?"

"Now, now, Craig, you know we can't do that." Mr. Pober said calmly. I now knew why he was so good at his job. He was so calm. _Too_ calm.

"Why not? I can walk home." I argued a point which was never going to work, but you couldn't estimate everything.

"Because: A) That is against the law. You need permission. And B) You have something wrong with you, and I want to fix it." He spoke calmly. His voice was neutral, yet brash. Grinding my gears each time he spoke.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." I huffed, folding my arms.

"Craig, something's on your mind and I need to know about it." Mr. Pober said, adjusting his glasses. "According to the report, it seems like you have an anger problem."

"Don't you fucking start. You sound like my dad." I snarled, biting down even harder on my top lip.

"Huh. Tell me, what does your dad do, exactly?" He asked. My head wasn't in the right place, and I was soon unraveling everything.

"He shouts at me all the time." I admitted, unfolding my arms and sticking them in my jacket pockets.

"What kind of things does he say?" Mr. Pober queried, adjusting his spectacles again.

"That I'm a brat. Ungrateful." I said, playing with a random piece of string in my pocket. Mr. Pober was about to ask something else, but I'd already began speaking again. "And that doesn't help my mental health, does it? Being called ungrateful and a brat. That's like, fucked."

Mr. Pober tilted his head slightly, his combover slightly sliding off his head. "Well Craig…" He began.

But I carried on talking. I didn't care if anyone knew at this point, I just had to get it out. "It's like he's locked me up in my brain, and that place is hell. I don't want to go there, ever."

"Craig, it seems like you have some serious cases of depression and…" But, once again, I cut him off again.

"You don't think I know that? You don't think that I… that I, I know… that…" I spluttered, trying to find the words for it. I couldn't.

"Craig, do you need to see someone?" Mr. Pober asked. "A therapist?"

"I don't know, just, answer this please." I pleaded. Mr. Pober nodded, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. I coughed it out and took a long breath in. "How do you change things?"

He paused for a moment, but finally spoke. "Craig, you have to understand that if you really want change, _you_ have to change."

I slid off my chullo and grabbed at my hair. "How? How?"

"I don't… Craig, I think you need to go home." Mr. Pober said, his voice now carrying a hint of anxiousness.

"And that would help how?" I snarled, my anger flaring once again.

"Well, you could talk to your mom." He suggested, but that was a horrible idea as well. My mom was insane, no better than my dad. They were two extremes, two very fucked extremes.

"No. I'm not going back there." I spat, producing my hands from my jacket pockets to clench them. My knuckles had stretch marks on them, my skin not ready for the size that I was to become. I hated being tall, I didn't want to stand out in the crowd. That isn't me.

"Where are you going to go then?" He asked, pulling off his feeble glasses, folding them and placing them down. I hesitated for a moment. Where was I going to go?

"Nowhere. I'm going nowhere." I said. I didn't know what it meant, but it sounded right. It sounded like it's what I should've said.

I dropped my head into my hands and just bit down. It hurt like fuck.

"What the fuck are you doing? Craig stop it, now. NOW!" Mr. Pober commanded, but I took no notice. He said it again and I lifted my head to make my eyes meet with his, but carried on biting. I mumbled, "Fuck you." and bit down even harder.

He jumped up and began wrestling my hand away. It took me by surprise and soon my hand was away from my face and my arms were being strung behind my back. I instinctively began to shake free of the restraint, trying to get the counselor off me. His grip was strong, but I broke free.

After getting out of the constraint I swiveled towards Mr. Pober and shoved him back, sending him crashing into the door. He smashed out into the hallway and the door went with him too, the hinges snapping with an impressive crack.

This was bad. I'd fucked up bad. How was I going to get out of this?

I shot my head around the room, looking for escapes, freedom. I fixed my eyes on the window, the wind rushing by. It seemed so calm out there, and so screwed in here.

I wasn't thinking. I couldn't have been.

 _I jumped._


	4. Just An Asshole

Shards of glass followed me on my descent, they were with me the whole way. As I fell I was ready to give up everything, ready to let it all go and leave this earth, I was a stuck-up prick who doesn't deserve anything.

I was nothing.

My shoulder was the first to hit the floor, gravel crunching underneath me as I landed. The rest of my body soon followed, and I was eventually sprawled out across the floor, each limb aching worse than the last as they smacked against the solid ground. I felt bones snap and I tried to scream, but my throat was dry. Empty.

I lay in agony, bits of gravel digging into my side. I tried to get up, but my body wouldn't budge. I thought I was about to slip into unconsciousness, but I just lay there. In pain.

"W-What the f-fuck?"

My head was pulsating with pain, but I strained it to try and identify the person who had just screamed. There was no sound for a moment, only my heavy breathing, before the voice came again.

"C-Craig?"

That could be only one person, and he _did not_ need to see this. I heard frantic steps on the ground before a pair of hands threw themselves over me.

"J-Jesus fuck man!"

The voice screeched. I tried to cover my ears, his screams piercing and bloodcurdling. He shook my whole body and turned it over to face him. I was pulled over onto my back and I could finally confirm the identity of the person sat next to me, wallowing in more pain than me. _Tweek_. It just had to be him, didn't it? I saw tears in his eyes as he searched up and down my body. Finally his gaze fixed on my eyes, and his face lit up. "O-Oh my god! C-Craig!?"

I finally managed enough strength to grunt. Tweek's face didn't stay lit up for long though, in fact it turned into one thick with anger. "Y-You stupid, fucking idiot!"

He screamed, smacking the ground next to me. I could feel the shockwave of each hit on the ground, bits of gravel flinging around. "W-What were you thinking!"

He carried on pummeling the ground, his head flinging side to side. "Y-You never fucking listen to anyone! I-I tried to stop you!"

I heard more people approaching now, and I heard sirens in the distance. I lay on the floor, still throbbing with pain. I wanted to slip off into unconsciousness, but my body wouldn't let me. I heard a few people approach me and Tweek was grabbed from my side. He was kicking and screaming as Mr. Pober and the Principal came into focus. "Craig, are you okay!?"

I grunted. It wasn't meant to mean anything, I just wanted to confirm I was _alive._ In the distance I could still hear Tweek squirming around, not calming down for one second. Finally, an ambulance pulled up, and I saw a pair of men run over to me with a stretcher. They lifted me up, my body aching bad as I was eventually placed on the stretcher.

The wheels were squeaky and the ground was uneven, rocking my body as the men rushed me over to the ambulance. I heard a bigger group of people rushing by, mainly pupils. Through the crowd I definitely heard Clyde crying and Token saying _something._ That _something_ I don't know.

All I know is that after that I was in an ambulance.

The ride was horrible, the cobbled streets of South Park rocking the van each time they turned a corner. It fucking hurt. We soon came to Hell's Pass, and I was pulled out. Next thing I remember was being rushed into the ER. It was weird, seeing so many people running by me. Caring about me.

…

I awoke suddenly, my head still throbbing from the pain. Most of limbs ached, and as I looked around me I saw why. I was covered head to toe in plaster, both of my legs propped up. One of my arms was in a sling and the other was set beside me. I waved it a little, I could still move it. I must have looked like one of those characters from a cartoon.

"Craig!" I heard a voice exclaim. My head was still dazed and I couldn't figure who it was, so I looked over to where the sound had come from. I saw streams of light cracking through the small openings of the blinds, revealing a figure stood there. The person moved closer, their face still obscured by the faint light in the room.

I grunted, moving my arm a little. The figure just grabbed it, stopping me from moving it. "Christ." I heard the person breathe. I looked at the face again, making out the outlines of my mom.

A single tear dropped off her face and landed on my arm. I could feel it, the weird warmth that came off it. Soon her eyes were completely moist, wet with volleys of tears.

From the corridor came another figure. It was big and bulky, and as it came over I heard my dad's distinct voice. He came over and slung an arm over my mom's back, rubbing up and down. He leant down, his face finally being revealed in the small crack of light. This was, truly, the first I saw him show a little remorse.

They both sat there for a bit, silent, but for my mom's tiny whimpers. I had my brain kick into overdrive, rushing through the past. Images of my parents fighting and screaming skimmed over in my brain. Not once had I seen them like this. Not once had I seen them together like this. Dealing with things like this.

Another pair of footsteps came from the door, faint ones. I swished my eyes over to the door and saw a small shadow appear in the door. My dad looked over, my mom still crying into her hands.

"Tricia!" My dad bellowed. She just ran in, missing my dad's outstretched arms and running over to the bed. I saw her face in the dim light. Her eyes were wide, mouth open.

"Mommy, is Craig okay?" She whimpered, my dad finally picking himself off the floor. Mom just carried on crying, and Tricia's eyes fixed on mine. "Are you?" She asked, to me.

"Tricia, stop." My dad commanded, dropping to his knees and hugging her into his arms. She began squirming, trying to get away from his reach.

"No! Stop! I wanna talk to Craig!" She shrieked. This only ended up making my mom cry more.

"He can't talk now, Trish." My dad said. Tricia finally stopped squirming, looking into my dad's eyes.

"Why?" She asked. A tear came from my eye, watching my family break in front of me.

My dad sighed and let her go, standing up. She just carried on staring. I watched him go out, before looking back over to my little sister. She was sat on the floor, legs spread out in a defeated manner. I then put my attention over to my mother. She was kneeling on the floor, sobbing into her hands.

It was agony. Sat there, watching each of my family break there and then. I'd never seen them do this, ever.

"Mommy?" Tricia said, standing up and sauntering over to where my mom was. She didn't take any notice, her head buried deep down. "Mommy?" Tricia asked again, putting an arm on my mom's shoulder.

My mom looked up, her hands containing pools of tears. After a minute of silence she spoke up. "What, Trish?"

My sister didn't move for a moment, holding in her breath. "Why can't Craig talk?" She finally said.

I was expecting her to burst back into tears, but she didn't. She just deadpanned her, hoping to god she wouldn't send Tricia into tears. "He's… a bit tired at the moment."

In horror, I watched my mom stand up and leave the room, meaning it was just me and my sister. I heard the door shut behind her, and as soon as it did my sister leaned over to me. "Craig? I don't know if you can hear me, but I want to say that you're a cool big brother."

She pulled back and stood in silence for a bit, watching me tentatively. Then she waddled over to a small bedside table. On flicked a small telly in the corner of the room, and the channels rushed by as she searched for something. It finally stopped on a show. Red Racer.

She put the remote down and went over to the door, slowly edging it open and steeping out. Before she closed it she stuck her head around the corner and whispered. "Get some sleep, asshole. I want to talk to you."

That was my sister, alright.


End file.
